Tune of Rapture (Echoes #2)

Chapter 39

Chapter 39

Swollen

If forgiveness were easy, I would have done it a long time ago. If only I could forget, I wouldn't be angry now. There wouldn't be any resentment in my heart when I remember everything. I know, I know that nothing is easy.

Perhaps that's why some people choose to forget rather than forgive. But how can I forget Sergo? I can't. I'll admit it, I love him. I still love him until now.

I sat in silence, holding the drink in my glass. The alcohol was steaming, probably due to the ice present. I stirred it, creating a noise.

I was accompanied by the plants on the terrace of my room. The dark sky and the cold wind witnessed my drinking. After my basketball game, I didn't go to the flower shop and headed straight to the cemetery.

It's like I woke up to what Ellis said to me, that I needed to move on. I can't spend my whole life holding onto anger towards them. Maybe now, or maybe next year, they'll be okay. And what about me? I'm still hidden in what happened back then.

"You can forgive, Yael, but you can't forget. You can forgive. Try. Try. Especially if you love that person. Love without getting hurt. Because that's very possible."

I won't love anymore...

Because I thought that after the tragedy, everyone would be the same. That they only think about money. That when they approach you, it's all about money and using you for something they want to get.

But I realized that I also need to breathe. I can't bring everything back to how it used to be. My anger won't bring back my parents, right? It doesn't make sense to be angry at them. They can't undo everything either. Nothing will happen if it's all like this.

Nothing will happen if I don't move forward.

Ininom ko ang alak at pumikit nang mariin. Tsaka ko pa nalaman ang lahat ng ito kung kailan nag away kami ni Sergo. Natawa ako. Ang tawa na naging halakhak. Tumatawa ako pero unti-unting pumatak ang luha sa aking mata.

Tangina. Mababaliw na yata ako.

Binuga ko ang hangin at binitawan ang baso. Ayoko na nga'ng uminom. Tuwing umiinom na lang umiiyak ako. Pinunasan ko ang luha sa pisngi at sumandal sa umuugang bangko.

Why am I crying over petty things? Wala namang kwenta kung iiyak ako. May mangyayari ba kung iiyak ako? May susulpot ba na Sergo rito sa harapan ko? Wala naman, 'di ba. Walang magagawa ang pag iyak.

Tumayo ako upang makatulog na. Nang mag vibrate ang aking cellphone sa bulsa ng sweatpants ko. Kinuha ko agad iyon. Tiningnan ko kung sino ang tumatawag, unknown ang nakalagay pero kilala ko ang huling numero.

Nag tagal pa ang aking tingin sa screen kung sasagutin ko ba o hindi. Sa huli, naupo muli ako at sinagot na ang tawag.

"Are you asleep?" Sergo's voice, slightly hoarse, brought a surge of emotions to my muscles.

I swallowed and reached for the alcohol again. It would be better to just talk to him while I'm drunk. I couldn't bring myself to talk to him now. I was too overwhelmed by my emotions from our last conversation.

I asked him to leave the office. I felt guilty, alright. I should have just let him explain. Because I would accept everything he said. All his problems. But maybe I didn't want my feelings to be overshadowed.

I was wrong. I should have just listened to him.

"No..." Napatingin ako sa hawak ko. "I'm... drinking,"

I heard him breathe on the phone. Sigurado akong nasa kama na 'to at matutulog na. Habang ako nag iinom dito. Ayos lang. Last na 'to. Hindi na ako iinom kasi may sakit na ako sa baga.