My Midnight Thoughts: Things I Have In Mind, People Don't Know

yielding concentrated bad living memories

Take me to my homeland peacefully
Surrogating grants, never been fulfilled
The home I thought was a prison
Was the only thing that heals me from treason
From treasuring the worst treacherous person
Handcuffed my hands, forcing me to be evil
Tamed by the temptation, I've became a bad living
Lost a grin from the tempest's anger
Sent me to hell, where I convene with the devil
Grieving for the loss, I became who I am to be

Is home being the last resort for restoration?
Eradicating bad living memories for a great decision
Would I become happy or indifferent from what will happen?
Or would I cry if I don't remember the way how it eventually happens?

Is home safer for yielding concentrated bad living memories?
Where I lash out my problems and asperities
If they found out that I'm in trouble at pace
Would they dare to help me out from my grimace?

My worn-out armor might no longer protect me
From these sorrows I felt in my 20s, almost fainting
The Athena's shield I have is already vulnerable
The battle conceived, with me being susceptible
To death, if it happens, carry me home with my bones
So that my family would know how I'm going through
From the environment they have sent me through

My overflowing thoughts and tears synchronizes
As I am yielding these concentrated bad living memories
My sanity robbed from the toxic chemicals attached to me
And so, as it alters my normal physiologic functioning
Less sensitivity to serotonin, where I've became melancholic
Every midnight, I suffer from these setbacks and unstable well-being
From being the recipient of these sickening misfortunes that kills me
My house was the only comfort zone I have, wondering
If I unleashed my concentrated bad living memories
Press my buttons to delete them inside my brain
Would I become a brand-new person, starting new beginnings?