My Midnight Thoughts: Things I Have In Mind, People Don't Know

sleepless to know you hurt me

How should I begin with?
If I will burst what I feel
Should you even care?
Just as how you do in holidays?

7:30 pm in the evening
I was supposed to be sleeping
But the stitches had removed in my chest
Wondering what causes these unraveling
Eyes flash on one second of all these sudden
As I linger the thoughts of you, appearing
While I was handling my spine overarching
From procrastinating to being productive
The removal of stitches, flash before my senses
Overshadowed my determination to excel
I'm sleepless to know the cause of it
Every day, I'm sleepless to know you hurt me

Words I utter from my blubbering mouth
Feels like it's unusual, not that important
So, I wrote a journal, to pass it down forward
Life brings joy, sadness, misery, and pain aftermath
Do you wished you have one, once we lost all the fun?
But that's not something significant, as how you indulge?
To be nonchalant, in my realm of portal exit, in history's part?
Saving the most ending part to be the saddest way it was
'cause you said, "Thou shall not taste happiness but sad"
And that's all what you wanted, so bad
Now, I'm with my clouds rattling to the ground
My anger was thunder and a lightning struck
Isn't that what you wanted? Occupying madness
An apartheid to my Central Nervous System
A dangerous pathogenic disease, proliferating in my cells
That triggers the immune responses from my immune system
In the presence of antigens showcased by the pathogens you've made
I'm sort of trying to recover, but what you did was irreparable you see
Now my doctor doesn't know how it went there
Turmoil to see the causative agents of it
But what he saw was a record book filled in sacred letters
Only I could decode it, since it was written partially by me
Morse code, numbers you can't comprehend
As how you exactly do the same with how I feel
"Tremendously sleepless to know you hurt me"
Was the only legible sentence you have seen
I wrote in the middle of the night with silent tears
The only sacred ink of letters you noticed physically.