Before y'all come at me saying that I can't write Tsukishima with schizophrenia- yes I can. I'm not obligated to share my medical information but let's just say that I experience this chapter at least twice a week- thank you genetics 🤭
"You are not worthy of love."
Tsukishima sighed as he stared into the mirror. He opened it and stared at the three bottles staring back at him.
Abilify. Prozac. Clozapine.
He picked up the three bottles and walked into the kitchen. His mother was standing there, waiting for him to take the medication. "Kei, you keep taking these later and later. I'm worried."
"I just have long practices at school," Tsukishima said. He popped the bottle of Prozac open and took his glass of water from his mother. Twenty milligrams of Prozac was the starter dose. It was supposed to help with his depression. Next was the Abilify. That was to help his mood swings. The starter dose was only two milligrams but it wasn't supposed to do much. Lastly was the clozapine.
He stared at the medication in his hand. His mother sighed. "Kei."
"I know." He took the last of his medication and took his vitamins. In the sink his glass made a soft tink as it settled against the metal. It was soft, so unlike the conversation he would have.
Tsukishima's mother stared at her son before sighing yet again. It was an annoying habit of hers, this sighing. Tsukishima noticed the sigh and looked up, frowning. "You know you won't get better if you keep telling yourself that you don't need the medication."
"Mom-"
"Mom, nothing. You take the meds and you get better. Simple as that." She picked up the medication bottles and shook her head. "Three little pills and you feel better."
Tsukishima gently took the bottles despite wanting to rip them from her hands and scream. This wasn't fair. It wasn't fair that she didn't understand. His father had struggled with the same issues he did now and had to leave his mother because of it. He didn't get to take medication. No one believed him saying that there were people after him. That the shadows claimed names and voices. That his mind was poisoning him from the inside out.
No one believed Tsukishima either. He swore that he'd heard his older brother say that he was on the volleyball team but it was just a hallucination. Just like the cats who talked to him. Or the feeling of ants under his skin.
"Kei?"
Tsukishima looked at his mother. "What?"
"What are the voices saying?"
He shook his head. "They're not constant."
"Yeah?"
Tsukishima heard a scream down the hallway and flinched. "Yeah." He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. Yamaguchi said that taking deep breaths helped him a lot. This wasn't so true for the blond.
"What's wrong?"
"I just am tired. Can Yamaguchi spend the night?"
"I don't see why not." She touched his forehead. "You are a bit warm though."
"I'm sure I am." He stood straight, towering over his mother. Another deep breath was taken. Tsukishima knew that he needed to at least try. Trying was the most difficult part though.
He walked to the bathroom and put away his medication. In his room his best friend was already there, waiting. Tsukishima huffed.
Yamaguchi wasn't actually there. This wasn't real either.
He closed his eyes, counted to ten, and took off his glasses. When he opened his eyes again Yamaguchi was gone, the bed still perfectly made and intact. The blond grabbed his phone, calling his lover and leaning into his dresser.
