Asahi had always been quiet. His motions were quiet, his steps were quiet, his voice was quiet. He enjoyed the quiet.
One thing not so quiet about him though was his tendencies.
It had become obvious when he was younger that something was very wrong with him. He had taken piano lessons where he cried if he hit a wrong note and read aloud to his younger cousins but would become quickly embarrassed if he stuttered. His hands always wrung his sweaters when he was around more than five people and he was easy to upset.
His childhood was nearly perfect so it wasn't anything close to a trauma response. He had always been this way and his parents had always tried their hardest to help where they could.
As time progressed he was diagnosed with social anxiety and ADHD. Neither was a surprise but as he grew older and this got worse, it was discovered that he had RSD, or Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria.
This explained him always going out of his way for others and then getting quiet when he was told of a mistake. It explained the frequent crying and anxiety attacks.
This also explained his incredible fear of falling in love.
Since high school he had been attracted to Nishinoya Yuu, always wanting him and always wanting his attention. Every advance he made was quiet though and Nishinoya was loud. Always so incredibly loud.
But that's what Asahi loved. He loved Nishinoya's shouting and he loved his jumping and he loved his loud smiles. He had such a thunderous personality and it was on show for everyone. Asahi wanted that little thundercloud for himself but hadn't gained the courage to make his own loud moves.
His RSD got in the way and his anxiety made him overthink trying.
But Nishinoya tried so much and somehow, he fell in love too. He taught Asahi things and they were inching towards being more open but even things like sitting with a group of people was nerve wracking.
Right now they were trying though and Asahi was slowly getting louder.
"Oh! Oh! Asahi, tell them about the time we all fell out of a tree and you carried Hinata inside!" Sugawara shouted.
Asahi smiled. He had a hold of a little ball in his pocket to keep him calm. "It was really concerning but he turned out to be fine! I have no idea why he was sleeping up in a tree while we were trying to look for a volleyball up there. It could have been extremely dangerous if he-" Asahi's eyes landed on some people he didn't know mumbling and staring at him. His heart rate quickened and he gulped. "Had hit the wrong part of his body."
Hinata groaned. "I wasn't sleeping. I was resting my eyes."
"That's nearly the same thing."
"Kinda. Oh! We have to all go get food later!"
"Can we get something hot? I've been craving something warm."
"Sure thing!"
Asahi noticed the whispers again. He just held onto his stress ball tighter, taking slower breaths. He couldn't let it get to him. Whatever they were saying wasn't any of his business.
"Hey Asahi! Gimme a hug!"
Asahi shied away from the touch. "I'm not comfortable with being hugged at the moment."
Nishinoya looked over and eyed Asahi. "Hey, wanna go outside for a bit?"
"No, it's okay. Thank you."
Nishinoya smiled. Progress.
Asahi continued with his conversation with his friends, trying his best to ignore the stares. That was until he heard someone actually say something.
"Yo is that person a girl or a dude?"
Asahi brushed that one off easier than the comment that he was doomed to hear. People had issues telling his gender identity all the time. That was okay.
"Did you hear that he once cried in the middle of a game because someone said something rude? What a pussy."
Asahi stopped talking all together and really did try to brush it off. But that was directed at him and his ability to understand people.
He took a few deep breaths, trying to collect himself before that awful sinking feeling settled all the way. It would be okay. Everything would be okay. They weren't meaning to be mean, right?
"I can't stand guys like him. He's such a girly guy for no reason and barely does much."
Sugawara noticed the red spreading over Asahi's face. "Hey man, you good? Everything cool?"
Daichi noticed next and lightly tapped Nishinoya. Nishinoya turned around and eased closer. His heart hurt from the tears forming in Asahi's eyes. "You wanna talk about it hun? Something feels bad?"
Asahi clung to one of Nishinoya's hands. He couldn't muster the courage to talk again.
"Remember what me and Ms. Yashida taught you? Big breaths. Let them fill your whole chest and slowly let them out."
Asahi shook his head.
"Okay. Okay that's okay if you can't do that right now. Want to go outside now?"
"P-please."
"Thank you for being so polite with your answer. Carefully stand up."
Asahi stood and Nishinoya led him outside. It was cool and Asahi could breathe better out here.
"You're allowed to cry. Everyone is allowed to cry Asahi."
Asahi clung to Nishinoya, tears falling down his cheeks. "Why- why do people say such mean things?"
"People suck. Unless it's you of course. You're always so amazing."
"But I'm so sensitive," Asahi wept. "I'm such a baby."
"Oh I know something great that we learned in therapy to practice! Let's sit down."
Asahi sat down, holding Nishinoya's hands.
"Repeat after me, okay?"
"O-okay."
"I am smart."
Asahi held on tighter, trying his best. "I am smart."
"I love who I am."
"I-I love who I am."
"And I'm getting better."
"And I'm getting better."
Nishinoya smiled. "I deserve to speak."
"I deserve to speak," Asahi repeated back.
"And no one is allowed to try and stop me."
"And no one is allowed to try and stop me."
Nishinoya hugged Asahi, kissing his temple. "I love you Asahi. And I know it hurts but those people in there are only saying such bad things because they don't understand. It's going to be okay."
"I love you..."
"Look at me." Nishinoya backed up and held his face. "I. Love. You. You're my teddy bear. My big old teddy bear with pretty eyes and awesome hair and great ideas. Nothing can change that."
Asahi gave him a wobbly smile. "And you're my rock. I love you so much."
Nishinoya planted a soft kiss on Asahi's lips. "Wanna just go home? We have some soup left over from the other night."
"I would love that."
Nishinoya kissed him again. "Stay here and good job on talking, I'm proud of you."
Asahi smiled. He ran a hand through his hair. That went better than expected. Not a good way to end a group hangout but still better than expected.
