BROKEN COURAGE (Broken Redemption Book 3)

Chapter 10

Emilia

"Grant me the honor of being the one to save you this time, if only so you'll be healthy and whole the next time I need you to save me."

His words are like a distant echo, running on repeat through my mind as I work to piece myself back together after a heart-wrenching morning, where we made love and then I had to go and ruin it by falling apart. The weight of my lie has grown so heavy that I've lost the ability to pretend I'm not on the verge of losing the man I love. His frustration with me is at an all-time high, especially since after he asked me to let him save me, I didn't even have the strength to say yes. Instead, the answer that fell from my lips was a whispered, half-hearted, "I'll try."

Since then, we've sunk into an uncomfortable form of co-existence. It's been this way since we left the bed to get dressed, while we ate breakfast with the girls, and then now as we ride to Hannah's office for my appointment in absolute silence. Sneaking a glance at him, I note the unnatural stiffness in his shoulders, the cold tightness that lingers in his eyes. The knuckles on the hand wrapped around the steering wheel are white, even as he opens and flexes his fingers over and over before going back to gripping the leather like it's his only hope of keeping it together. Even the hand that holds mine feels different. Cold and unyielding, our fingers are intertwined, but the feeling of intimacy is missing from his touch.

It's how I know he feels it too. The sense of impending doom. It hangs heavy in the air around us and though I see that anger is the mask he's using to hide his fear and uncertainty, I do nothing to set him at ease because I can't. The fact is, I'm carrying another man's baby. A man who, in Lucas's mind, stole me right out from under his careful watch, kidnapped me, and then took me to that cabin to take advantage of me. There's a part of Lucas that still believes what Creed did borders on rape. I see the accusation in his eyes whenever we speak of it, and though I've told him time and time again that it was consensual, he doesn't agree. For Lucas, this baby will be a living, breathing reminder that when it counted, he failed to protect me and I just don't see how he'll ever get past it.

"Lucas." I squeeze his hand, hoping it's enough to lessen the sting of what I'm about to ask of him. When his eyes meet mine, I force myself to say the words. "I need to do this on my own again." When he stiffens and tries to pull away, I panic. "It's the last time. I-I swear it. After this..."

"After this what, Embree? Don't you think it's time you tell me what the hell is going on?" Not knowing what to say, I drop my head. When he realizes I'm not going to respond, he lets go of my hand with such force that it sends tears running down my face.

The last ten minutes of the drive are pure torture, spent with me crying silent tears, while he silently fumes. He's angry. Angrier than I've ever seen him, which I understand, for if I were him, I'd feel the same way. I've shut him out, even after promising I wouldn't. I'm hurting him. I know it and I hate it, but there's nothing I can do to stop it. What's done is done, leaving us on a full-on collision course with a reality our relationship may not survive.

"Wait for me. I'll come around to let you out." His voice is gruff and absent of the usual warm tone he reserves for me.

With tears in my eyes, I watch as he steps out of the car and scans the area around us. After securing Nero's harness, he commands him to jump down, before slamming the door shut behind them with such ferocity it makes me flinch. Blinking away a fresh round of tears, I fight back the raw wave of emotion clawing its way up my throat. When he opens my door to let me out, he doesn't offer me his hand as he usually would. Instead, he steps aside, his gaze taking in our surroundings in a way that suggests he's doing everything in his power to avoid looking at me. Add that to his unwillingness to touch me, and it's like someone's stabbed a dull rusty blade right through my heart.