BROKEN COURAGE (Broken Redemption Book 3)

Chapter 25

Lucas

(Several Minutes Earlier)

Twelve hours after returning from New York, the world still feels wrong. The weight of the hole inside my heart is like a vacuum sucking out the fresh mountain air, all the colors of the morning light, essentially all that is good and worthwhile in this little mountain town.

I had no idea what to expect when returning from my trip to New York, but it certainly wasn't this. It was one thing to be hundreds of miles away from her. Knowing she was beyond my reach, made the ache inside my chest easier to bear, but now that I'm back in Ruby Creek—mere miles from where she waits, in the home meant to be ours—the pain is worse than the torture I endured at the hands of my captors. It's like drowning just below the surface of the water. Like I'm desperate for the air I can see just beyond the glassy shimmer, but I'm unable to break free from the impediment holding me under.

Opening the door to my room at the inn, Nero greets me. After a quick pat on his head, I grab his harness and slip it on. Reaching for my pack, I pull out a t-shirt and a pair of mesh shorts, which I quickly change into. With no other assignment on the horizon and nothing to keep my mind busy, the only options are to either drink myself into oblivion or beat my demons back with a grueling run. An easy decision given the early morning hour, with the added benefit that alcohol can remain an option should I need it, since there'll be plenty of time for it later in the day.

"Let's get it done," I tell Nero as I hook his leash to the harness. "I'll set you loose once we're on the trails."

Just as eager for fresh air as I am, he follows at my side as we make our way down the three flights of steps that lead to the lobby. Instead of walking in the direction that leads to the front doors, I veer to the left, going towards the emergency exit that leads out to the back of the property.

After unhooking Nero from his leash, I take off on a run down the alleyway, then make a left at the road that leads to the mountain trails about a quarter mile away. The sound of my steps, the feel of my chest expanding with every breath, the pleasant burn in my muscles as I turn up the pace... it all grounds me, pulling me out of my head and bringing me back into my body.

This is what I needed.

With Nero easily matching my stride, I pick up the pace. Pushing myself harder, like I'm literally running from my demons, desperate to flee the voices that are a constant reminder that I'm broken—a washed-up warrior—worthless and destined to be nothing and no one. Voices that play on repeat and leave me questioning why I agreed to stay in the first place. Did I actually believe things would be different this time? That by some miracle, I'd come back here to these people and magically become a better man. One worthy of them and this life, a man who could be trusted to care for them, protect them with his life and put them first above all else.

Scoffing at the poisonous thoughts, I push even harder, leaning into the physical pain in my burning muscles and allowing the endorphins to neutralize my negative spiral.

It's been almost an hour since we started, and at some point through our journey, I veered us off the paved path and onto a hiking trail. Now deep into the woods, the ground has grown uneven and rocky, but still, I push hard, maneuvering as fast as I can without breaking my stride. What started as a way to clear my head has turned into self-imposed punishment, and though I know it's what I'm doing, I can't bring myself to stop.

I'm not surprised when I fall, though I growl in anger when my knee slams hard against a jagged rock. Rolling back to a stand, I fist my hands at my side and before I know what's happening, I'm shredding the skin of my knuckles against the rough bark of the nearest tree. With every swing of my fists, pain shoots up my arms, a feeling I welcome for it's an effective distraction from the unbearable emotional pain overwhelming me.