BROKEN COURAGE (Broken Redemption Book 3)

Chapter 11

Lucas

This fucking place again. The familiar sterile scent pervades the air like a toxic cloud of dread. Like some sick joke, I'm surrounded by pictures of smiling women, some with pregnant bellies, others holding babies. A few of them depicting what looks like several generations of the same family—grandmothers and mothers with their daughters. It's meant to be inviting. A barren room concealed under layers of artificial comfort. But for me, instead of having the desired effect, the happiness that radiates from those pictures is in direct contradiction to the fury tearing out my insides.

It's my third time sitting in this waiting room but unlike before, where those images aroused thoughts of possibilities and all that could be, today I resent that I allowed those seeds of hope to take root. Even worried out of my mind the last time, I remember the wistful feeling that filled my chest at the sight of a soon-to-be mother cradling her round belly. I could see it so clearly in my mind, my Embree, cradling our unborn child. It filled me with such longing that I couldn't help but stare at those images, noting every detail while imagining the utter joy that would consume my battered heart at the knowledge it was my child growing inside her beautiful body. What I wouldn't give to see the radiant glow on her face as she beamed at the sight of our newborn baby while I stood back, capturing the moment with awe and tears in my eyes.

Fuck!

I never should have let those thoughts settle in, especially with my track record. Knowing what I know about the power of the mind, instead of imagining the future family I wanted with her, I should have heeded the alarm bells going off inside my head. I should have listened to the internal voice that, like a broken record, reminds me I'm not worthy of anything more than the miserable life I've already endured.

"Christ." I collapse forward, elbows on my knees, my face cast down toward the ground I wish would open up to swallow me whole. "Jesus Christ!" This time the words boom through the empty room, as my anxiety overwhelms me to the point I stand to pace the space.

With every pass by those perfectly framed photographs, my eyes well up with emotion I refuse to let spill. I know what this feeling is. It's a maddening sort of desperation because I want to experience everything that's on those damn walls. I want it all. A pregnant wife. A brand new baby. Daughters and sons. A family of my own, all of it, and only with Embree. I want it so damn bad that no matter how hard I try to push the imagined scenarios away, I can't escape them. They leave me breathless, out of sorts, and more determined than ever to do whatever it takes to never let her go.

And then my thoughts go back to this morning. The way Embree looked at me with tears in her eyes as we made love—so sad and sweet. The way she allowed me to take her without a condom, and forced me to stay inside of her as long as she could.

Is she getting ready to say goodbye?

Is that what this morning was about?

Fuck! Suddenly unable to stand, I fall into the nearest chair, dropping my face into my hands. I should have tried harder. I should have pushed her to talk and demanded she let me in. Ben is right about this one thing. It's up to me to fix this, and it starts with letting her know in no uncertain terms that I will no longer accept any secrets between us. She needs to understand that I am ready to fight for her and the life and family I've only ever wanted with her.

"Lucas?" At the sound of Hannah's voice, my eyes snap to the doorway and there she stands.

My Embree.

While Hannah's expression is friendly, my girl looks absolutely crestfallen. The sight of her anguish intensifies the ache inside my chest. With tears welling in my eyes, I go to her and wrap her in my arms. The need to comfort her, to find my own comfort in the electrifying connection that binds us and grows stronger when we touch, is damn near blinding. My heart... my soul, every cell inside my body screams at me to fix this. Now! Once and for all.