BROKEN COURAGE (Broken Redemption Book 3)

Chapter 40

Emilia

"You okay?" Lucas watches me from where he sits next to my bed, his tone somber, shoulders slumped under the weight of what he's been through the past two days.

The genuine answer to his question is no. I'm not okay. Not even a little. Not even as I lie in this hospital bed, safe and sound, with my little girl sleeping just a few feet away. I can't shake the feeling that this is only a reprieve, an illusion of safety until Kessler comes for us again to exact his revenge for whatever Creed did. It doesn't matter that we're safe and surrounded by men who love us and would protect us to the ends of the earth. After what we've been through, I don't know that I'll ever feel safe again.

But as I look into the devastated eyes of the man I love, I realize I can't tell him my truth. I won't burden him with that knowledge when he's already beating himself up enough. So, I muster a half-hearted smile—only because my body is too tired to give anything more—and nod.

I feel awful. Weaker than I did when he found me. Maybe it's being out of that place and back in familiar surroundings that has me feeling completely spent. My muscles ache. The nausea won't abate, and my body keeps fluctuating between feeling too hot and too cold. I'm dizzy and utterly exhausted, yet I'm afraid to close my eyes and rest.

"God sweetheart." Leaning forward, he rests his forehead on top of my hand, cradled between his own. His voice is raw and choked up with pain, and I hate it. Seeing firsthand what our disappearance did to him... I can only imagine how it further deepened the wounds from all the loss he's experienced in his life. It's why, though my body aches with exhaustion, I turn on my side to face him.

Running my fingers through his silky, light brown curls, I attempt to reassure him. "You saved us. Everything's going to be okay."

"Lies", my subconscious screams, but I quiet the voice, focusing instead on alleviating as much of his pain as I can.

"I'm so sorry." He kisses the top of my hand, his sea-green eyes drowning under pools of regret. "For leaving you. For staying away when I should have come home. Most of all, for not stepping up and fighting for all of you that night you asked me to. Because, Embree, I do want a life with you. I want this life. Our life. With the girls, with the baby..." His hand lands on my belly, cupping the small bump with such tenderness it makes my breath hitch.

"You, the girls, the baby... you're all mine. It's a fact I was afraid to accept because I didn't think I had it in me to do right by you, but these past two days have taught me that my strength, everything that I am—including the man I want to be—is magnified tenfold when I'm with you. The three of you—and this baby—complete me in ways I never knew I needed, which is why I can't let another second go by without making it clear where I stand. How I feel."

Cupping the side of my face, he peers deep into my eyes with a burning intensity that sends goosebumps breaking out over my skin. "I'm in. All the way in, because I love you, Embree. Because I love our children and the life we're building. I'm prepared to do whatever it takes to atone for my sins, to convince you I'm ready to be the man the four of you need."

Helpless to stop them, the tears I've been holding back since he found us break free. Closing my eyes, I absorb his words, letting them wash over me like a cleansing rain after a long summer drought. This is everything I wanted. The happily ever after I thought we'd never get. And yet, why can't I shake this melancholy that clings to me like the black goop of a devastating oil spill?

Because he left you.

Because he disappeared again without barely a word.

A decision that, unbeknownst to him, planted and sowed those small seeds of doubt, nurturing them until the vines grew into a thick, overbearing canopy that blocked out the light along with my hope. My trust. My faith that things can still turn out okay. There was a time when I would have ignored these feelings of uncertainty, pushing aside the negative thoughts, and pretending they didn't exist. But with three children depending solely on me, I don't have that luxury anymore.