BROKEN COURAGE (Broken Redemption Book 3)

Chapter 13

Emilia

Four days. That's how long it's been since I told Lucas about the baby, yet the conversation feels like a lifetime ago. So much has changed in that short time, it's hard to believe the dream-like bliss we'd found with one another ever existed. The one good thing that has come out of this nightmare is that since deciding to keep the baby, the fear and questions I had about loving this child have slowly abated and I already feel as deeply connected to it as I do to my girls.

While at peace with my decision, it's done nothing to ease the deep sense of loss that's carved a Lucas-sized hole inside my heart. The change between us is profound, with simple interactions—like being together in the same room—proving rather difficult. The awkwardness that sits between us like an impenetrable wall of heartache and betrayal saddens me and leaves me questioning if there's any hope. Even if we somehow find a way, will he love me the same way he once did? Will there ever come a time when he'll look at me with something other than pain and apprehension in his eyes?

But he is trying.

I see the determination in him as much as I feel it. It began that first day with his declaration that we'd find a way forward because he wasn't letting me go. At first, hearing those words eased some of my anxiety, but since then, watching him struggle through his interactions with me hurts. It's like what so easily existed between us now requires unspeakable effort on his part, and it makes me fearful that someday he'll resent me for forcing him into a situation he doesn't want.

As a man driven by a strong moral code and the protective instincts of a warrior, there's no doubt in my mind he'll ignore his desires to become the man he thinks I need. There's a big difference between acting out of a sense of duty and acting from genuine desire. One leads to resentment, the other to contentment. My biggest fear is that he'll wake up one day regretting his decision to stay with us, at which point it won't just be my world that shatters when he leaves, but also that of my two little girls and this baby who doesn't deserve the blame—even as he or she is at the center of what's gone wrong between us.

"Are you guys finished?" I stop at the kitchen table where the girls are finishing up their lunch. Deep into a game of "I spy", they nod their little heads and pay me no mind as I take their dishes away.

Rinsing their plates, I look out the kitchen window in time to spot Lucas and Nero. They're walking the fence line, likely checking the cameras and sensors along the perimeter wall. With Uncle David's arrival and Ben pulling Zeb back out into the field, Lucas's role as our security guard has taken on an entirely new meaning. He's using it as a distraction, a way to stay busy with the added benefit it keeps us from dealing with our problems. For the past four days, he's isolated himself in the control room—where he spends his time monitoring the video feeds—or on endless loops walking around the property. Either way, he keeps his distance until the end of the day, finally seeking me out when we're both too tired to do anything except fall asleep in each other's arms.

"Sorry to interrupt..." James stops mid-stride when he sees the girls and me in the kitchen. "Luc said there were sandwiches in the fridge."

"Sure, of course. Here I'll get them."

As I walk to the fridge, I hear the girls giggling as he says hello and ruffles the hair on their little heads. Just as I turn around with the tray of sandwiches in hand, my cousin Annelly comes through the door. With amusement, I watch a wistful smile form on James's face, at the same time his eyes brighten with a look of awe. When she spots him and greets him with a shy wave, I can't help but smile when the big guy seemingly comes apart. The flush on his cheeks mixed with his inability to form any words speaks to how smitten he is with my oblivious little cousin.