BROKEN COURAGE (Broken Redemption Book 3)

Chapter 16

Emilia

For three years, I lived in a world that changed around me as I stood stagnant and still at its center. For so long, I resented that fact, how everyone and everything around me continued to move, grow, and persevere.

When Creed returned two months ago to end our marriage and sever those loose ends that bound me to that center, even through the hurt, I was also relieved. It gave me hope that maybe then, I'd finally be able to move forward and change my life for the better. For a little while afterward, it felt like I was. After years of standing still, the slow speed at which pieces of my life started falling back into place was comfortable enough that I felt secure for the first time in a long while.

The instant I found out I was pregnant, that all fell apart.

Since then, it's like that slow merry-go-round I was on transformed into a terrifying tilt-a-whirl ride that's got me spinning in so many directions I can no longer tell if I'm coming or going. So much has changed—and will continue to change—that I can hardly keep up. In the blink of an eye, what felt like too much responsibility to bear alone has multiplied exponentially into a future I'm not equipped to face.

At least not yet.

What I need more than anything right now is for everything to stop, or at the very least slow down long enough so I can figure out what should happen next. I need a second to prioritize my efforts, otherwise, I'm terrified I'll never catch up. That I'll be doomed to a life where I'll feel out of control for years to come, which doesn't bode well for the three children depending on me to raise them in a happy, healthy home.

"Emb," he whispers as the light from the hall trickles in through the open bedroom door.

It's late. I think a little after midnight, though I don't have the energy to check. Just like before Ben and Jen arrived for their visit, the moment they left, Lucas disappeared. Back to guard duty, he went. Wandering the property in an endless loop and then hiding away in the control room with James and Uncle David way past the time I went to bed.

It's not that I'm naïve. I understand our security is important given the circumstances, but what he's doing right now goes way beyond what is necessary to keep us safe. As he did back when we were kids after the fire that killed his parents, he's keeping his distance. Outside of interactions that include the girls, he's avoiding me. A fact that brings to the surface all those old wounds that were formed when he abandoned me that first time, and which were reopened and left gaping when Creed did the same.

He's going to leave me. I can't keep the thought from running through my mind, as moisture wells up behind my eyes.

I can sense his relief when I don't respond. Closing the door behind him, the room plunges back into darkness. I know pretending to be asleep is juvenile, but like I'm a glutton for punishment, I'm desperate to see what he'll do. Will he try to wake me or will this be yet another night where he tip-toes in silence to avoid having to face me?

God, please let him wake me.

I miss him so much I can hardly breathe. Like I'm an addict in withdrawal, every part of me yearns for even the slightest hint of his affection. A longing look. A simple touch. Heck, at this point I'd settle for having him climb into this bed, so I could sleep wrapped up in his arms—something that hasn't happened since that fateful day I told him about the baby. Every night since, instead of following me to bed, he waits to join me hours later only to sneak in like a thief in the night, without even bothering to get in under the covers. He doesn't lean in to kiss me goodnight, and he refrains from letting our bodies touch. After eight nights of this, I can feel the tether that binds us growing weaker and weaker.