First Love

Chapter 34

Chapter 34

"Confession"

Nagising ako nang maramdaman ko na may malamig na bagay ang nakapatong sa noo ko pero hindi muna ako dumilat para pakiramdaman ang sarili.

"Hhmmmm..."Ungol ko dahil nanghihina ang buong katawan ko at sobrang lamig.
Napadilat ako nang marinig ko yung boses ng tao na gusto kong iwasan.
"It's okay.I'm here I won't leave you."
Hinaplos niya ang ulo ko kaya mas lalo akong nanghina.I saw Kian sitting in the couch facing me so I panicked.

How did he get here?

"A-anong g-ginagawa mo dito?"Sinubukan kong bumangon pero nanghihina parin ako.Mabuti nalang at inalalayan niya akong maupo kaya sumandal ako sa headboard ng kama.

Kama?
Teka bakit nandito na ako sa kwarto ko?

"What happened?"Tanong ko sakanya at hinimas ang ulo ko dahil nakaramdam ako ng hilo.Gabi na pala pero umuulan parin.Napansin ko iba ang damit na suot ko ngayon kaya bigla ko nalang tinakpan ang sarili ng kumot.

"O-oh...ahm Nikky changed your clothes.You passed out in your gate so I brought you here.You have a high fever so I decided to bring you to the hospital but you don't want so I take care of you here."Paliwanag niya at napakamot sa ulo.Naalala ko nanaman ang pinag iisip ko kanina kaya napayuko ako.

"T-thank you."I bit my lower lip to stop myself from crying but I think he noticed it so he lean forward to face me.

"N-Nikky told me that you don't like to go in the hospital because of your p-past.I'm sorry....I think this is not the right time to talk about this so take a rest and we will talk about it if you get better."He tapped my head but I didn't nod.

"No,You don't have to say sorry.I was the one who leave you without saying goodbye.I'm so sorry.If you're mad at me,Its okay I understand."Hindi ko na napigilan ang sarili ko kundi ang umiyak.

"No.Please don't cry.I understand you because Nikky told us the truth.I didn't find you because I thought you need space so I just waited you.I didn't know that you really suffered a lot.I'm sorry for everything I've done before."Pinunasan niya ang luha ko pero mas dumurog ang puso ko nang makita ko na may luhang pumatak mula sa mga mata niya.

"You-You're crying..."Puna ko sakanya at nagulat ako nang hawan niya ang kamay ko.

"I only cried because of you.You are the reason for my tears and smile."Naiyak ako dahil tinapat niya ang kamay ko sa dibdib niya.
"Do you feel it? It only beats for you from the day I bumped you in the school until now.I love you Sarah..."Nagulat ako sa sinabi niya.All these years,I didn't thought that he's inlove with me.

"I cried in the day that you leave me.I thought you're mad at me because of Rose but when Nikky told me the truth I decided to let you go.I tried to forget about you but I can't.I always go in the park to wait for you and before I left I only saw myself in front of your home so Build a house beside yours."I bit my lower lip to stop my tears from falling but it didn't worked.I can see a sincerity in his eyes when he talked to me.

"W-when I saw your post on Instagram,I looked for you everywhere but I failed until I saw your picture with that Kim.I feel like my heart begins to tear apart when the comments says that the both of you are dating but when your causin cear that I immediately feel that I still have a chance.I always stalked your account until you already activated it."Umiiyak siya ngayon habang umaamin sakin at nakatingin diretso sa mga mata ko.Nasasaktan ako kapag nakikita ko siya na nagkakaganyan pero wala akong magawa para bawasan ang lungkot na nararamdaman niya.

Hindi na kami pwede dahil ikakasal na in two weeks.Pakiramdam ko ay nahuli nanaman ako sakanya.Bakit ba sa tuwing may pagkakataon kami ay may humaharang naman?

"I thought you're with Rose.The day I watched your gig,I-I saw y-you singing with her so I thought that I'm too late so I made a wrong decision."Sumbong ko sakanya.Hindi ko pa kayang sabihin na ikakasal na ako dahil baka hindi ko kayanin.

"No we're not.I didn't have a relationship with her ever.She sing with me that day because she is going to leave and that's her wish.Back in high school,When the entire school thought that we're dating? We're not.She just make it to confess her feelings to me but I told her that I'm already inlove to someone and that someone is you."Napailing ako sa sinabi niya.Alam kl na kung saan mapupunta ang usapang to kaya mas minabuti ko na putulin na dahil ayoko siyang masaktan kapag sinabi ko ang totoo.Mahal ko pa siya hanggang ngayon at nasasaktan ako na hindi na kami pwede.

"I'm sorry b-but I can't be with y-you."
Umiiyak na paghingi ko ng tawad sakanya kaya nagulat siya.

"W-Why? Did I tell anything wrong?"
Naguguluhan niyang tanong sakin pero umiling lang ako.

"Masaya ako dahil nalinawan na ako dahil sa sinabi mo.M-mahal din kita n-nokn pa p-pero nakagawa ako ng maling desisyon na alam kong pagsisisihan ko sa huli.P-pasensya na..."Binawi ko ang kamay kong nakatapat sa dibdib niya pero binawi niya ulit ito at nakiusap.

"W-why? P-please... can you give me a chance to prove myself? I l-love you..."Umiiyak niyang pakiusap pero umiling lang ako at sinabing "I'm sorry..."at humiga na ako.Tinakpan ako ang bibig ko para hindi niya marinig ang iyak ko pero rinig ko ang hikbi niya hanggang sa naramdaman ko na tumayo siya mula sa kinauupuan niya kaya nag taklob ako ng kumot.

He cleared his throat before talking to me that makes me cry even more.

"Its okay.I-I will prove myself to you.I w-will never g-give up until I saw you walking in the aisle w-with a-another guy.I respect your r-reason but I want you to know that I will never give up my love for you.I will fight for you no matter what happened."After that he leaved me in my room crying.

Nagising ako na wala na siya at mag isa nalang ako sa bahay.Nasasaktan ako sa sitwasyon namin pero kailangn ko siyang iwasan at ipagtabuyan dahil ikakasal na ako pero paano ko ngaba siya iiwasan kung ngayon ay malpit n siya sakin.Sakanya pala ang bagong bahay na katapat mismo ng bahay ko at ang bintana ng kwarto niya ay nakatapat pa mismo sa bintana ko.
Maayos na ang pakiramdam ko kaya nagpapasalamat ako dahil inalagaan niya ako.
Kukunin ko na sana ang cellphone ko sa may bedside table pero may nakita ako
na sticky note na naka dikit sa screen ng cellphone ko kaya kinuha ko ito at binasa.Napaluha ako nang nabasa ko ang nakasulat dun.

Even if you push me away
I will still choose to stay.
Like a sun in the day
That you always pray.

I will not give up
Even if you drop me up
I will make it prove
Until you approved.

I will never stop
Even if my heart begins to drop.
I will wait and love you
Until you knew
That you still love me too.

Napa iyak ako dahil sa tulang iniwan niya sakin.Kagaya ng ginawa ko noon ay tula rin ang iniwan niya bago umalis.Sana sa susunod na buhay ay maging tama na ang sukat naming dalawa at maging tugma kami sa isa't isa kagaya ng tula.

I'm sorry Kian....
I didn't mean to push you away but i think we are not meant to be together in this life.

I love you too but I can't be with you...

Hanggang dito nalang siguro tayo...
Sana mapatawad mo ko.....