Beyond Boundaries (Mommy's Angel)

Sixteen

The next morning, I wake up feeling the weight of the previous night's events pressing heavily on my chest. The sunlight filters through the curtains, casting a soft glow on the room. I glance at the clock; it's early. Leah must be awake by now, and the thought of facing her fills me with a mix of dread and hope.
I take a deep breath, gathering my courage, and make my way in the bathroom before heading downstairs. The house is quiet, almost eerily. I find Leah in the kitchen, sipping her coffee and reading down the newspaper with her glasses on. She looks so tired, her usually sharp features are softened by the lack of sleep.

-Hey... I say softly, breaking the silence.

Leah turns to me, her eyes meeting mine. There's a flicker of something, regret maybe, in her gaze.
-Good morning sweetheart.
I hesitate for a few seconds, biting and nibbling on the skin of my lower lip.
-You're not at work.
She looks up at me, an eyebrow slightly raised, before going back to her reading.
-No, I didn't slept much last night, I don't think my judgment would have been great.

I take the box of cereal she put down for me and sit down at the table to eat, feeling the tension between us like a physical barrier. We sit in silence for a few moments, the air thick with unspoken words.

-I'm sorry. About last night. I finally say, my voice trembling slightly. I didn't mean to make things worse. I just... I was scared and worried and...on my period.

Leah nods, a weak smile on her face, and sets her mug down.
-I know, Amaya. I shouldn't have taken my frustrations out on you, I was tired and it wasn't fair. So I'm sorry too.

We sit there, the words hanging between us, each of us trying to find a way to bridge the gap that last night's fight created.

-Can we talk about it? I ask, my voice barely above a whisper. Really talk about it?

Leah simply takes a deep breath and nods.

-I'll be in the living room, finish your breakfast.

Leah puts her mug in the sink behind me and moves to the living room, sitting down on the couch. Not long after I join her and sit beside her. She looks at me for a few seconds, her expression earnest and sigh again.
-Amaya, I love you. So much. I don't like... I don't want you to think that you don't matter or that I don't love you enough. Okay?

-I know...I say, my voice already breaking. Sometimes it just feels like I come second to everything else in your life.

Leah's shoulders slump, and she runs a hand through her hair.
-You know that's not true baby.
-But...
-My job is demanding, I've been working there for years now, and it's not something I can just walk away from. But that doesn't mean you don't matter to me. You do, more than anything.
-I just want to feel like I'm important, too. Like I'm a priority...
-You are my priority Amaya. Leah insists, reaching out to take my hand.
-I know I haven't shown it well, and for that, I'm sorry. I will find a better balance. But you also need to understand that there will be times when I can't be there immediately.
-I just needed you to call...to let me know you were safe..
-I was at work Amaya, of course I was safe.

Leah takes a deep breath, her hands slightly clenching into fists.
-I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry I didn't call. But you really need to understand that I can't always be there to hold your hand, I keep repeating myself here. Babe, I have responsibilities.
I look down, feeling guilty for making her feel that way. But I really can't help it, I'm so alone and scared when she's not there...
-I know you do, but I have feelings too, Leah. I need you to care about how I feel, even a little bit.

Leah's face softens as she looks at me, she slightly strokes my hand and sighs.
-I do care, Amaya, you just need to be stronger. Patient. I'm not dying out there, I'm not leaving you.
-But I am strong! It doesn't mean I don't need you!
-You need to give me space to do my job. To handle my responsibilities without feeling guilty for not being here every second. That's all I'm asking.