Beyond Boundaries (Mommy's Angel)

Forty two

I'm laying on my tummy, a big smile on my face as I color in my new coloring book. The crayons spread around me like a rainbow explosion. Each stroke of color fills me with happiness, and I hum softly to myself, feeling the soft carpet under me as I focus on the page. I chose a picture of a princess holding a big, sparkly wand, and I'm making sure to color her dress in shades of pink and purple, the prettiest colors.

Across the room, Leah is sitting at her big desk, talking on the phone. Her voice is calm and serious, like it always is when she's working. She's wearing one of her favorite black suit today, the one that makes her look super smart and important. It makes me feel funny inside. Leah likes to work all dressed up, even at home. I glance over at her now and then, hoping she'll look at me and smile, but she's too busy with her work. It's boring, but okay I guess. I know she's doing important stuff.

I finish coloring the princess's dress and grin, proud of my work. I carefully set down my crayon and pick up the book, holding it out in front of me as I crawl over to Leah's desk, not wanting to get up.
-Look Mommy! I finished! I say excitedly, waving the book in her direction.

Leah glances at me, still talking on the phone. She doesn't say anything, but she holds out her hand for the book. I hand it to her, and she takes a quick look, her eyes softening just a little. She gives me a small nod and a thumbs-up before handing the book back to me and returning her attention to her call.

My heart swells with pride. She liked it! I hug the book to my chest and sit down next to her desk, waiting for her to finish talking so we can maybe do something fun together. But as I sit there, I start to feel a little restless. I've been coloring for a long time, and now I want to do something else. My eyes wander over to the door, and I suddenly remember the ice cream Leah gave me earlier. We found this new unicorn ice cream at the grocery store today. It was so pretty and sparkly, we had to take it. So yummy, I want more.

I look up at Leah, who's still talking on the phone, and gently tap her leg.
-Mommy, can I have more ice cream? I ask, my voice a little louder this time.

Leah doesn't look at me, but she shakes her head, motioning no with her hand, making my heart sink a little. I really want more ice cream. I don't understand why I can't have some. Uhm she did say that I couldn't have too much ice cream because it's cold here, but that doesn't mean anything. I don't understand what it has to do with anything!
I pout, crossing my arms over my chest, and try again a few minutes later.
-Please, Mommy? I was really good, and I finished my picture.

This time, Leah gives me a stern look, still talking on the phone. She points to the coloring book and then to the kitchen, signaling that we'll have lunch soon. But I don't want lunch, I want ice cream! The frustration starts bubbling up inside me, making my chest feel tight. Why isn't she listening to me?

I stand up and stomp my foot, hoping to get her attention.
-I want ice cream! I say, my voice louder now.
But Leah ignores me, continuing her conversation. It's like she doesn't even care that I'm upset. The frustration turns into anger, and before I can stop myself, I stomp my foot again. And again. The sound echoes in the room, and my hands ball into fists.

Leah's voice suddenly stops, and she turns her full attention to me. Her eyes are dark and sharp, and I can tell she's not happy. She quickly ends her phone call and stands up, walking over to me. Her face is serious, and I feel a knot forming in my stomach. Maybe that wasn't a great idea...

-Control your feet, Maya. I don't have time for this, Leah says, her voice firm.

But the frustration is still boiling inside me. I stomp my foot again, challenging her, even though I know it's not a good idea. And then, before I can even think, I stomp again.