5/27/26
8:04pm
It's been a while.
I feel like I am gaining my consciousness back.
A bit at the time.
As the days go by with a blink.
It's the first day of summer.
Then it's the end of May.
And I'm still here.
Glad I am.
Met a bunch of people this year.
I'm still struggling with work.
And my identity.
I know who I am, sometimes.
Learning what I really want.
I deserve to be happy and feel safe.
By December I'll have my own apartment.
Hopefully with a little balcony.
It'll be a nice change of pace.
I'll workout and eat.
I weigh 119 lbs now.
Most I've ever weighed in my life.
I went to the ER last week and had a doctor's appointment this week.
Perfect epitome of health.
I try not to think too much about money.
It doesn't mean much to me.
It never has.
I like experience and feeling.
Emotions.
The sun, the sky, the trees.
I'm interested to see where everyone ends up in a year.
Who will they be, what will they have done?
How many of them will I still be in contact with?
Australian man and I went another month without talking.
He said maybe it'll be 3 years instead of 5.
I don't hate him for it.
He doesn't know any better.
He's fallen back into his old ways that he tried so hard to escape from.
I suppose that's the difference between us.
I will never let myself go back those habits.
Sure, I will regress and be emotional but that's expected.
That's how life is.
Emotions are a bitch.
I think my thing with my future partner is I want someone who tries.
If you're going to be at war with yourself, come out victorious.
If you're going to invite people into your life and let them see yours, be kind.
Be patient.
Australia man mentioned that, funnily enough.
"You just need someone whose patient."
Yeah man and I wanted it to be you.
I'm afraid he'll always be unhappy with his life.
And I can't save him from that.
