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memories of u & i

BEYONCÉ

Knocking on the dark oak door, i sighed to myself. I gripped the gold door-handle in my hand as i heard mrs smith voice telling me to come in, but instead i stood my ground gripping the handle tightly. My heart pound loudly against my chest. Am i nervous? No. Am i scared? Yes.

With my other hand i ran my fingers through my blond-curly tresses. I took a deep breath and blow it as i slowly opened the door,

A clean minimalist room greet me, i can see the large buildings and store of texas from here, my eyes roam inside the room taking the ambiance.

Walking inside the room i can see mrs smith stood behind her white desk with a glorious smile, i stood across from her as she clasped her hand together.

"It's nice to see you again beyoncé" she said greeting me with her hand out, i gracefully held her hand with mine shaking it with softness,

"It's good to see you, too mrs smith" i said with a small smile, she softly pulled her hand from mine and placed her hand out to point to the chair besides me. "Take a seat," she spoke, i let out a small 'thank you' and took my seat.

"Let's start shall we?", she said with a clasped hand as she placed her chin on top of it, i can feel my hand sweat as i sit on my chair uncomfortably. It's clearly not my first time here, over the past few months i went here i still feel scared to open up my life.

"How are you beyoncé?" Her motherly tone rub my heart like a feather but a the same time made my forehead sweat, i tried to clear my throat and fix my posture to hide the uneasiness in my eyes,

"I'm good," i said in a unsure voice, she looked at me as i turned my gaze away from her. Hate the thought of mrs smith reading me easily,

"I'll let that slide-tell me about your week," i moved uncomfortably on my seat, i look around her cozy office to distract myself from her motherly gaze,

How was my week?

It was sure full of dream, memories and guilty scene on my mind. It feels like i was watching myself inside a tv show-every night, every day, every second of my fucking life. And the dark circle around my tired eyes are the proof,

"Hell." I answered truthfully, no matter how much i loved reminiscing about the good times i had with onika. I can't stop the feeling of guilty and pain that strikes through my heart every time i see her crying eyes.

I feel like hell for every that i had done to her,

"Hell? How so?" She asked, her voice held curiosity same as her brown orbs as it bores into mine. "I felt weak and i hated myself for hurting her every time i saw her face in the back of my mind," i confess. It was the truth too,

"I wished i could go back and told her im ready to change. I wished i could go back and punch myself for hurting her" i vent out, my heart stung with pain as she listened to me,

"You can't change what happened in the past but that doesn't mean you can't be better in the future," she spoke. I stare at her wanting to read what's on her mind, she leaned on her desk as she tap it with her fingers.

"Give me your hand," my eyebrow rose in confusion but her motherly voice made me place my hand over hers she held it as her other hand covered my hand,

"I can see your hurt and regret in your eyes, you can't change anything that already happened in your life but you can prove them tthat you can change to be better, remeber you're here, sitting here bravely. I know you're still feel uneasy about your life but im here to help. Let your people help you beyoncé," she said, the gentleness on her voice made my eyes sting with tears threatening to fall,