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morning

BEYONCÉ

Healing is not easy, but trying is a helpful way to heal something deep inside us.

My therapist said; healing takes time—that i shouldn't be rushing it, that i should let it flow and do its job rather than making it move fast.

It was hard though. The guilt, the anger, the disspointments, the crying. Everything you'll see yourself drowning in your own thoughts. The past eating you.

But my family helps, they showed love and support. Healing and understanding that you're not okay is not easy but they pulled me through

Especially onika. She helped me alot, so greatful to still have her even after all the shit i did to her. She stayed, cried with me and talked me out of my head,

She knows everything, she knows when i don't feel alright, she knows when i need her but too scared to call. She knows my schedule, monitored me about my therapy,

She called every day and night asking me about my therapy, about my day. If im okay, i look up to her, she still in therapy but still help me through my storm. I don't deserve her, she's too precious. Too good to be true,

I sigh and drank my water and placed it down after, i tied my hair into a messy bun and did my hygiene. Robyn called me so early asking me if i want to go to a brunch with her, i told her 'no' at first of course but just like onika she's demanding.

I rolled my when i heard my phone rang, already know who it was. I ignored it and went to grabbed something to wear. It's just a brunch so i didn't wear anything extra, just plain white tee and sweats.

I grabbed my phone, keys and wallet before i left the house, robyn kept calling and texting me asking where i was. I ignored her and drove to the place she chose to eat,

My car stopped infront of a french restaurant, i rolled my eyes and grabbed my things before walking inside. Immediately i saw her mugging me, i rolled my eyes at her and sat infront of her.

"Bitch what took you so long?" She said, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Shut the fuck up rihanna" i said dryly, we went to order and the food was expensive as hell. I sigh after looking at the menu and pointed to the waiter what food i want, she nodded and list it on her small clip-board. When robyn finally decided what she want the waiter said that she'll be back with our drinks,

"You choose a fucking expensive restaurant for a brunch rihanna? Really?, we could've just eat on somewhere less expensive" i said, squinting my eyes at her. Her eyes rolled,

"Bitch please you're not poor" i mugged her

"Why did you ask me to eat though? You could've asked someone"

"I want to know about your life" she said shrugging, i shook my head at her.

"Nosey" i said, she shrugged again and sat up leaning her body on the table.

"Now tell me, how's everything?" She asked, curiosity in her eyes. I chuckled shaking my head,

I thought for a minute about my life this past few months, i smiled. Life's been suspiciously good to me. There's some time that made me want to hide and left everyone without them knowing but like i said, therapy, meditation and onika helped me alot and just everyone—they made me feel like im not alone in this journey and i will always be grateful to have them,

"It was good rob. Im happy" i said, i saw her smile and nodded her head proudly

"Im proud of you b, you know we're always here for you. You can always run to us when you need someone" i nodded, taking her words in.