Your Beauty Never, Ever Scared Me - Wintumn Stories

Alone

A/N If you aren't caught up fully on the storylines because you only watch on TikTok, maybe give it a day or two before you read this one (I checked what's posted there and I think that should be enough time)...I'm sorry...I promise we're gonna be really sad for two chapters today and then I have something happy already written for tomorrow. So don't give up on this story just yet. 

TW: Miscarriage 

She'd never been good with feelings. Expressing herself got her in trouble. She didn't know how to regulate her emotions, and she didn't know how to ask for help. She knew how to push everything down, to push everyone away. She's only ever been able to rely on herself for comfort. So as Autumn walked out of the hospital she thought she knew what she needed. She needed to be alone.

Winter had given her one of his hoodies and told her he would take her anywhere she needed to go, he just wanted to make sure she was as comfortable as possible and safe. He was meant to be at work that day and when Autumn said she needed space and wouldn't even look him in the eyes, he decided he would have an easier time going to the nursery than going home by himself.

She wanted to go to the bar. The one she would frequent with Marjorie on girls' nights. She hoped the memories of those times could make her feel something, anything again.

Autumn didn't cry when she heard the news. She couldn't. Just physically couldn't. She wanted to. She wanted to scream and cry and cling onto Winter for dear life, hoping that she would hear his voice calling out to her in the distance, telling her she was home and she was safe and this was just a nightmare. But it wasn't.

She heard Winter sniffling slightly as he held her close. She always felt comfort in his arms but right now even his embrace couldn't calm her racing thoughts.

Those thoughts hadn't stopped all these hours later. It was her fault. She couldn't keep her baby safe. She couldn't keep anyone safe. Her father was right, she would always be a disappointment. She was an embarrassment. She was a failure.

She had ordered a glass of wine but couldn't drink it. She just stared at the bar, staring at it, not moving.

She had let Winter down. He was so excited to be a father. It had always been his dream and she snatched it away from him. The look on his face when they found out would forever be burned in her memory. She was sure he would leave her for this. He would finally realize that she was not worth his time. That she would never be good enough for him. But instead he had been so supportive. It almost made her feel worse that she couldn't do this for him. His words suddenly mixed in with her fathers.

"My love, you did everything right. There was nothing you could have done to stop this. I love you and that will never change. I will always be by your side. We will get through this together."

She wasn't sure how long she'd been sitting there when suddenly she felt a familiar presence beside her. It was Marjorie. She didn't have to think long to realize that Winter had sent her. He always knew what she needed, even when she didn't. Marjorie assured her she was there to sit in silence and drink but that wasn't what Autumn wanted.

"Marjorie. I'll take that hug now."

Autumn broke down in her best friend's arms. Marjorie just held her, calmly reassuring her that she was there for her. That as bad as things seemed, someday everything was going to be okay. That they would get through this together.

The words of her best friend cut through her swirling thoughts as she remembered how much her life had changed since coming to the nursery. She had a group of people willing to support her. People who would drop anything to be there for her. She didn't have to rely on herself anymore. She had never wanted to be alone. She'd just never had a choice.

She sat with Marjorie for hours, talking about how she was feeling with someone other than Winter for the first time in her life. Autumn told Marjorie everything. How she felt like a disappointment and how she worried things would change between her and Winter now. She couldn't lose him too.

"Autumn, you know you don't have to worry about Winter leaving right? He would never do that to you. It's obvious to everyone you two are meant to be. He was in my office telling me that he was more heartbroken for you."

Marjorie was right. Autumn knew Winter would never hurt her, she was just used to losing people when times got hard. No one ever stuck around for her. Most people left or she left before they go the chance to walk out on her.

She realized that right now she needed to go to Winter. Being with him was the one decision she'd never second guessed. He was the best thing that had ever happened to her. She couldn't let fear and embarrassment convince her the best thing to do was push him away. That's how she lost twenty years with her brother, her best friend. She couldn't go through that again.

She needed to be in his arms again, to work through this together. He was her home. And Autumn was ready to go home. Marjorie took her back to the nursery and covered for Winter so they could be together. As soon as he saw his love, he ran to her and wrapped his arms around her tightly. They cried together for the first time right there in the car park.

The next day Reece came over to spend the day with Autumn, since Winter still went in to work as a means to distract himself. As soon as she saw her brother she hugged him. They hadn't hugged like that since they were kids. They talked all day. Reece came prepared with statistics and facts about miscarriage as he knew that would help his sister. She had always found comfort in facts.

It was so hard for Reece not to tell Autumn how much Winter loved her and his plans to propose. Especially when she confided in her brother that Winter leaving her was always in the back of her mind no matter how secure she felt with him. It was never more obvious to him how much their mother's leaving had affected their lives until that day. All he could do was reassure her that she'd found a really great guy. And he didn't even throw in any short jokes, so she knew he was serious.

Winter had bought Autumn a small heart shaped necklace when he found out they were expecting and he planned to give it to her when their baby was born. He couldn't bring himself to take it back so he gave it to her anyway. She hadn't taken it off from the moment she opened it.

Everyone at the nursery rallied around the couple to protect them from any parents who dared bring anything up. Autumn and Winter never expected the level of love and support they were receiving. But the Nursery staff was truly a family and they would always be there for each other. Even Mia suggested that she and Charlotte send the couple flowers. Autumn couldn't help but smile when she found out it had been her old friend's idea, not Charlotte's.

They were going to make it through this together.