Your Beauty Never, Ever Scared Me - Wintumn Stories

Moving With It

A/N Good things about today: It's the 3 year Anniversary of the Nursey Nurse, It's Friday, My boss let us all go home early, My story hit 10k reads which I cannot thank you all enough for. I literally cried when I saw it.  And I'm double posting

Bad things about today: I'm giving another TW for discussion of miscarriage. I got this idea from someone's head cannon post on here about Winter being a rainbow baby and adding it as a throwaway paragraph in a later story felt wrong and I was immediately inspired to write this. I'm so sorry.

Autumn had grown incredibly close to Winter's mother, Renee. They had quite a bit in common and Aut found comfort in having an older female presence around. Having grown up with Mia as the only other woman she was around, she didn't really have a ton of help when it came to life experiences. The other girl was only three years older, after all. She'd gotten along fine without it, but that didn't make it any less exciting to finally have Renee.

And Renee was more than happy to be that for her. Winter was her only child and as much as she loved him, she had always dreamed of having a daughter as well. Even before they met, when Winter couldn't stop talking about this amazing new girl he was smitten with, she thought Autumn was special. And she was right. Renee took to her immediately, having no problems seeing the qualities in her that had her son head over heels. Autumn was so easy to love.

When the couple suddenly became distant she got worried. When they stopped answering calls and texting that they'd get back to them soon, she knew something had to be wrong. When they canceled their monthly dinner, she knew something had to be terribly wrong. There was no way that Autumn and Winter would just decide that they weren't going to see them anymore. She hoped she was wrong and they were just busy. But unfortunately, a mother's intuition is never wrong.

When they finally got together again and learned about the baby and the miscarriage in the same night, Renee was not surprised. She knew the second they walked in the door. She knew because when she saw the look on Autumn's face she saw herself, about 36 years ago, when she was stood clinging to her husband's hand the same way, about to make the same announcement to her own parents.

Winter's parents did all they could to make that night the best they possibly could. They moved on from the topic immediately. Not because it wasn't important, but because that's what they wished their parents had done for them. No amount of tears or platitudes was going to change what had happened, and they could tell by the looks on the younger couples faces that they'd already heard every sympathetic phrase in the book.

They didn't think that night was the right time for Winter to learn that he, himself, had been their second chance. Their rainbow baby. Renee was from a generation where this was kept mostly private. The fact she told her parents and in-laws at all was extremely progressive, so of course she never told her son. And she wasn't going to tell him that night. He didn't need something else to worry about right then. She would offer her that bit of information when the time was right.

She didn't plan to wait as long as she had but everything happened so quickly after that night. Life went on. Winter and Autumn went to therapy, they got engaged, they got married. She never wanted to bring the mood down at their dinners or when she and Autumn went shopping because they were discussing such happy occasions; she couldn't ruin that. She'd never seen her son happier.

One of the things Renee was proudest of was her relationship with her son. She loved that, even after all these years, her son still confided in her. She knew he had Autumn for that now, so the fact they were still so close was one of her biggest joys. No matter how old he got, sometimes he still needed his mum. So when Winter texted her about the parent that approached them on their date and told her how hurt Autumn was, she saw her opening. She asked both of them to come over that night for drinks.

The couple agreed without hesitation and came over quite quickly. They all loved being together. They were a very tight knit family and they all felt extremely lucky to have that dynamic. That's why Renee knew she needed to share this with them. As soon as she sat down she started right in.

"Autumn, Winter told me about your run in with that awful parent. Are you doing alright?"

"I will be fine, thank you. Thankfully that parent got what was coming to her."

Winter beamed with pride as he continued, "She really did. It was extraordinary to watch."

"Thank you for your concern, Renee. But I can promise you that's not the first untoward comment that's been made toward me."

"And it won't be the last."

That comment immediately caught the couple's attention. Seeing their confused faces, Renee had to take a deep breath before continuing.

"You know, everyone seems to think they know best in this kind of situation. They have their advice and their timeline on how you should feel at any given time or when you should start trying again. But they don't really know. They can't unless they've been there. It's such a difficult thing to explain unless..."

"Unless you've been through it." Autumn picked up where her mother-in-law trailed off. The two women shared a look of understanding that gave Renee the strength she was needing to continue on.

"Yes. Winter wasn't our first child. We were expecting about a year before you were born and well... When you came to us I saw so much of myself in Autumn that I didn't want to share this just then because I wouldn't have been ready to hear it and I didn't want to stress you out, Winter. Maybe it would have been better if I had ... .I know there's nothing I can say to erase the pain but just know it eventually does get easier. The comments still come but they don't hurt as much."

Winter went and hugged his mom tightly. He'd always been a mama's boy and hearing that she had to go through something he knew was so traumatic, even that long ago, was a lot for him to take in. His father had stayed in the doorway to the kitchen during this conversation. He was never one to share in emotional moments. Winter now wondered if he could understand why. But Winter wanted to get his dad's perspective so he asked him to talk alone leaving Autumn with Renee.

When they were alone, Autumn moved over to sit next to Winter's mum. She didn't quite know how to ask the question that was on her mind but she found herself blurting it out before she could think too hard.

"How did you do it? How did you move on?"

"Darling, I never did. I just moved with it. You know, I still often think about what could have been. I'll never forget my first baby. Only you can decide when you're ready for that step though. It's not going to be the same for everyone. When times get hard, though, I remember that if they stuck I probably wouldn't have Winter. But I can't imagine trading him for anything."

"Neither could I."

Autumn couldn't imagine a world without her love. She kept hearing from women who had gone through this but having someone this close to home hit her differently. She'd seen all the facts and statistics about how common it was but this made it finally sink in. She was sure when she was finally ready to make any decisions she could come to Renee and that she would always be in her and Winter's corner. 

 She gave Renee a hug before Winter joined them back in the living room. She couldn't help but hug him as well, he'd also been through a lot that evening. She was overwhelmed by the amount of support she was shown tonight so the couple cut the evening short to go home and process everything.

She sat in the passenger seat as Winter drove them home, and could only stare out the window. As she felt Winter's hand find its way to rest on her knee offering the small bit of support he could while focusing on the road, she was snapped out of her trance. Autumn placed her hand over his and finally felt like she was ready because she didn't have to move on. She only had to move with it.