Buck was under some stress. What was the cause? Yet to be determined. It just feels like suddenly, he was the most worthless, annoying, paper weight. How does a person go from perfectly fine to the most upset, depressed person in the universe?
Buck heard a DING from his phone. Who could that be? He reaches his hand out, slaps his nightstand a couple times before he feels the item he was looking for. The screen radiates light onto his face, and he reads his notifications. Reddit, TikTok, the Walmart app, Instagram, more Reddit, the Target app, Tommy. Tommy had texted him something about a date night. Buck read the message, read it over, turned his screen back on from time-out, and then read it one more time before shutting his phone off and placing back on his nightstand. Tommy had completely disregarded his last text that was a subtle hint he wants feeling well mentally. Maybe it was his fault, maybe if he really wanted help he'd say something with his big-boy words. But then again, he was his boyfriend, he'd know him, he should catch up on the hint? Whatever. He pettily disregards Tommy's text.
Buck exits his bed and walks down the stairs. He wonders if he should make something to eat, but he doesn't really feel that hungry. It's not like he deserved to eat anyway. Still, he takes a seat at the dining table and he finds himself sitting there for a while. He was just consumed by useless thoughts.
Do people actually like me?
What will tomorrow hold?
How would I react if I was on a broken rollercoaster?
In another universe, Monday is actually Wednesday.
In another universe, things that don't make sense here, make total sense there, in fact it could be the norm.
Did I really kiss a dude?
What time is it?
What if my fingernails were as sharp as knives?
Am I actually a significant person on the planet?
What would my friends and family think if I just up and died?
Would that be so bad?
What would it be like if cars had feelings?
What's the point anymore?
What am I living for?
And from there, it just carried on. The thought varied in severity but they were pretty bad. This was normal. This happened at least once every other month. Sitting there, hating himself, pondering his existence, a normal Thursday. What wasn't so normal, was the way his hand hovered over to his other forearm and he subconsciously started scratching harshly. By the time he realized, it was already noticeably red, even bleeding. The panic set in. This was an old habit. Late childhood, early teens kind of shit. What the fuck was he doing, early thirties, picking up an old habit? Addiction? Buck wanted to punch himself, how stupid could he be? Whatever. It's fine. This is fine. He's not seeing anyone anytime soon, that is until work in two days, but he should have shit figured out. Fuck, maybe it would even heal within that period.
Whatever. It's fine.
Hours had gone by, it's dinner time. Buck figures he should put something together. He rummages through his fridge, finds some waffles you throw in the toaster and that's what he decided on. The mood was low. Whatever. It's fine.
Suddenly, the door knob twists and Eddie is standing in his apartment. What the fuck?
"Hey, man," Eddie sighs with a smile as he closes the door behind him. Buck shoots a wave. "What brings you to my apartment?" Buck leans against the counter and crosses his arms. "It's too fuckin' quiet at home. I need noise. Any noise. I've rearranged my room and the living room three times." Eddie kicked his shoes off, watching them end up in different directions of each other. He'll move those later. "Felt. Want a toasted waffle?"
Eddie laughs, "that would be great. Do you have any orange juice?"
Buck and Eddie end up standing next to each other in the kitchen as they wait for Buck's old ass toaster to toast their waffles. "Other than your absent child, how are you?" Eddie looks over at Buck who's grinning with amusement. "I'm ready to rearrange my kitchen." Buck lets out a laugh, causing Eddie to chuckle too. "How about you? What's up," Eddie asks. "We're talking like we haven't spoken in 5 years!" Buck slaps the counter. "You start it!"
Buck places his palms on the island counter Eddie is leaning on in front of him and stretched, exhaling a sigh. Eddie catches a glimpse of Buck's forearm and his grin dropped. "Buck what happened to your forearm?" Buck looks at his forearm and realizes he completely fucked it up earlier. Eddie knew what it was, and there was no point in hiding it. "I swear I just zoned out, and...."
The home fell silent for a few seconds, but they both jumped when the toaster popped.
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The self projection is willddd
Kms
