Our Journey

Chapter 5 could this be?

Chapter 5 could this be- couple days later we continued texting and catching up getting to know one another, I was catching feelings in the mist of it all I didn't want to tell her I didn't even want to recognize it myself but I was falling deeply, she continued to show me she can be the girl for me, whole time I was just scared cause of my last relationship didn't go so well, I didn't want to do it all over again it took awhile for me to actually except I can be loved again and I can love again. The feeling she gives me , she waiting for me that alone showed me the meaning of someone who's passionate and caring about me, I've never had anyone who's ever did that or even thought the consideration to do so for me.  The feelings she was showing me the love she was already showing me was immaculate and I meant that the most serious way possible she was doing something to me I couldn't bare the thought of, feeling love again from somebody, this girl brought sparkle into my eyes it's like I grew happier I was more social I was getting there she was helping me and didn't even know it, in my mind I'm growing fonder for her is she becoming fonder for me or could this be?  I always wonder in my thoughts is she the one can she be the one for me if I just let her I thought to myself and I hate putting off love cause of my past and they way I feel, I didn't want to rush in with her and move fast, cause that misses up a good relationship so I felt like it was best for us to wait, we already knew what we wanted was eachother but she was willing to wait for me, the power in her words her aura she had with me I loved every bit of it. the way she made me feel no other person was on her level at all, we would text all day everyday and that would make us grow so closer to eachother we became to grow a bond a powerful bond with each other, just the amount of times we have been talking to each other. Every time I talked to her I would smile like my family would catch me smiling " what you smiling at" I had to play it off cause they didn't know what we had going on nobody did but us cause it wasn't everyone else business but ours and we was just talking nothing to serious to announce yet I thought, I just didn't want to tell my family just yet cause I wanted to see how we would work out, I begin wondering to myself will I love her and do everything right by her like  I'm supposed to will she love me right? And unconditionally I thought just so many thoughts roaming through my mind cause I haven't had love in so long felt love from my own person and so long, I wonder what this was going to bring me, I thought to myself this girl have me waking up every morning just to text her or she if she texted me I tried my best no to get to close and attached to her cause I was a inch away from falling in love I didn't want to get to close and get hurt or hurt her, I didn't want to go back to the sleepless nights crying myself to sleep and isolating myself from the world literally even my own family and I know they was hurt by it, I don't want to go in that deep dark space when it's about love or over love that's a different type of pain in your heart you feel, you feel when your heart is breaking to pieces piece by peice as your heart aching crying out for help, it gets to where you don't feel like even eating or even try to find someone new or open up, love can cause you a million things and I had to learn that, that's why I've been healing for the past 2 years but why am I still feeling this hurt I Ask myself, why is this not making me want love or even get loved and cared for, I crave love so deeply I crave loving someone so passionately and so gently, it's like I love being alone but it comes to a point where being alone it's good having someone by your side that care for you just as you care for them someone who's by your side and never leaving and sticking to their word someone who try's to understand you so they can help you cause they care, that's love that's love I'm craving for and been wanting I'm scared to settle for less I don't want less I want better, and this girl she's trying to show me that she's trying to let me know it's safe over here and she got me and she's willing to help through it all, and I appreciate her so much for that it makes me smile cause someone never been so patient with me but she's trying and she is I never got the amount of love she's given me or I've been giving throughout all my relationships, she has me thinking to myself all the time will I eventually let her in and stop being so scared of the aftermath and just believe in love again and believe I can do better at love and don't give up love when it's a person right there who's going to be right beside you through it all and more and even let's you know they are there, so many signs that this girl right here was going to be my forever girl and the one I healed myself for cause I asked god to send me a girl I can love right and can love me right,  god answered me didn't he?