Our Journey

Chapter 36 Help

I woke up it's like every morning I have now I wake up with so much anxiety about thinking about my baby, I tried to go on with my morning and don't let my aniexty over take me and my worries, I got ready for work and started my day I got to work and started my shift, whole time while I'm busy at work trying to keep up but I'm so in my thoughts I can't put my all into this right now so I'm slipping doing my job, I went on break and sat down begin to open my phone and go into photos and look at pictures of her, us I had to get off cause it made me so sad cause she's not here with me and going through so much, I got back to work after break and not too long after it was time for me to go home I was ready to just go in my room and smoke my own self out and isolate myself and cry. I made it home I walked in didn't feel like speaking I didn't have the energy walked in my room and shut the door and put on a tank top and my shorts and got in bed and began to roll me a few and reminisce and cry, I even made a video a vlog talking about how much I missed her and I wanted her to get better and just crying but I deleted the video shortly after I was done making it I didn't like myself looking like that, her auntie had texted me and said she was going to let her ft me they had to do it serectly so her mom won't know she's on the phone so I waited and she ft me they both went into the bathroom and she gave my girl the phone and we talked I told her I miss and love her and I just started crying bad but she wasn't crying she didn't look said she was just smiling " it just a week she'll be alright" I broke down even more and we said our goodbyes and I love you's and hanged up, did she even fucking care how I felt I thought to myself my sadness grew into anger it didn't matter it was just a week it was the principle, her auntie said she would call me again and update me after the phone call she was in the facility, couple hours later I get another call from her auntie I answered and she proceeded to say that it seemed like she enjoyed being there she said they are having a movie night and having fun so she was comfortable there she didn't have no issue being there I thought to myself can she even feel my sadness and her auntie proceeded to say they facility called them and told her that's my girl was acting out and they would probably have to move her to another facility until 18 I thought to myself do she not want to come home and be with me but I thought she's doing this for attention she's calling out for help I thought I just broke down crying so more and thought I'm going to hold her down but at the same times it's so hard till she's 18 I didn't know what to think so after that her auntie told me to keep my head held high and she will keep me posted about her and we hunged up I just busted out a screaming cry so much aniexty so many thoughts will I ever see her again and her choice as either a facility or her dads either way I wasn't going to see her again we was only 4 months in is this the end already I thought but I kept my hopes held high I accepted I probably won't see her ever again I cried eventually I cried so much I put myself to sleep I'll tell my family when I have the energy I said while drifting off to sleep with thoughts about her, us will this be it?