Myocardium

Prologue

Well...fuck!

Those were my first thoughts upon entering the building illuminated in a bright, blood red colour for the very first time.
I wasn't supposed to be there. Hell – I really, REALLY was not supposed to be there!
Then where was I supposed to be? With my siblings, of course!
But how could I, when my dealer threatened to kill me if I didn't pay him back in proper dollar bills for once? I had no choice – I had to take the job he had told me about.

The ID-card I held in my hand, it was a good fake. Nineteen, it said. I certainly wasn't of age yet, faking my ID would have been senseless otherwise. Little did I know at that time that I wouldn't even need to pretend to be an adult with my boss and co-workers, they ALL knew I was a child more than well. The ID was solely a cover-up for the customers I was going to learn to hate and of which only the boss's acquaintances knew my real age. But the precaution had to be taken either way, they didn't want any legal trouble because of my worthless body. Criminals! They're all perverted criminals!

This place was my last option, my final resort. I had tried my luck with bartending, cleaning dishes and practically every other job imaginable that offered a night-time working schedule. However, for paying off all my debts -the debts my parents had left behind - even working two jobs was never sufficient enough. With all of this on top of caring for two children, it was inevitable that it eventually all became too much for me.

Rumours had been spreading for quite some time that this institution would employ people like me for multiple reasons. Most of them illegal, obviously, or they wouldn't have been part of such notorious rumours. It was my dealer who proved those rumours right, told me I was just the right type of person for this type of job. At that point, I was too mentally destroyed and manipulated to resist him or refuse his offer, all I needed was a way out of my misery. I needed it quickly, whatever it was going to take. Oh, if only I knew that it was going to take everything from me.

With the first step I took in that building with that awfully tense and depressing atmosphere, I took the last step ever taken in my childhood. Ever since surrendering to this dirty business, I haven't been the same, was never going to be my true self again. My inner child was dead, murdered by selfish men and women.

No one ever knows what goes on behind the curtains of those types of establishments. Syringes, needles, pills, and bottles filled with temporary happiness everywhere. On the floors, in the changing rooms, on every table, in every locker, in drawers, hallways, bags...everywhere. Everywhere, where clients couldn't see, where normal people had no access to. Where our secrets would be safe, only to be shared with people as messed up as us.

I have always tried to give Daisy and Sasha a life as great as I possibly could, a life I could never have. I did my best to help them, support them, love them unconditionally, comfort them, be there for them.

But what about me? Who will be there for me when I'm the one struggling?