Myocardium

Part 25

After coming home, I immediately slip into some more comfy clothes that include Rafael's hoodie and decide to take a short nap so I can survive the upcoming day at college.

After having breakfast, I help Daisy pack her bag since she's a bit late today, but it's okay, no damage done. Once my siblings have left the flat, I look at my phone and notice the lack of new messages I'm very much used to.

I think about it for a brief moment, but end up texting Rafael. 

I want to text him. 

The only question is: What am I going to text him? Good one. I eventually come to the conclusion to simply text him the most generic thing I can think of. 

'Hey, I don't mean to bother you, just figured I'd let you know I really appreciated last night's talk :)' is the message I type into the text-bar and dispatch to him.

His response, I only read it once I arrive on campus. It says 'Don't worry, you're never bothering me. So did I though, it's always nice talking to you :)'. When I scan the notification on my screen, I let out an audible, content sigh. 

I never knew having a friend can be so nice.

And even though he may only know a tiny part of my life and I know no more than the same about his, simply knowing that he is even willing to talk or listen to me and gives me the feeling of being genuinely invested too has helped me tremendously already. It almost seems surreal to me to think someone might actually appreciate my existence.

As I arrive at our 'lovely' library, where I am due to get some more research done for my upcoming project, I instantly happen to notice Ben, who is pacing toward me, face deforming in fury. I should have known better than to live in the oblivion that turning my head as if I didn't notice him is a good idea, since he grabs my wrist and pulls me close to prove me of the opposite. 

"We're not fucking done yet, faggot", Ben hisses disgustingly close to my ear, yet quietly enough for nobody around us to hear it. 

"You're right, you've got so much worse ahead of you, motherfucker", I spit back in a low voice and rip my arm out of his tight grip and walk a few steps away from him, creating distance on purpose but keeping my eyes strictly focused on him, whose fury seems to turn into feigned innocence as he reaches both hands into the pockets of his jacket and futilely attempts to close the space between us. 

With every step he slowly takes towards me, I take one to keep the gap between us present, fists slowly clenching and ready to throw punches if needed. There is absolutely no reason why I would want to let him as close to me as I did last time. 

Hell, this time, I will ensure that he will not get to me. 

Not physically and not mentally. 

However, despite my strong urge to either fight or flee, I choose pacifism. 

Ben doesn't deserve my attempt at deescalating the situation, but I sure know that I do. 

Whatever set off his sentiment about me, it can't continue as it is now. 

"Ben, just quit it. I'm asking you. See, I know that what I did was wrong, and I understand why you're pissed off. But you and I are both grown men and you can't keep risking your life to ruin mine," I try reasoning, my voice softer than would ever have expected. 

Can't we just leave this matter in the past now? 

After all, he seems to have forgotten about it at least for a little while. So, why bring it all up again? 

Why now?

"Fuck you, Everdeen. You should have fucking died," Ben scoffs, eerily calm. At this point, I shut off the survival instinct telling me to keep retracting from him, and just stand there, defenselessly in front of the man who tried to kill me only days ago.