"Kids are all good. C'mon, follow me," a warm laugh escapes my lungs as I lead Rafael into my bedroom, where I take a seat in the middle of my bed with crossed legs, waiting for him to shut the door behind himself.
"Your siblings are such a delight," Rafael snickers and sits down by the edge of the mattress. He seems nervous.
Why is he nervous?
Great, now I'm nervous too.
"They absolutely love you," I tell him truthfully and lie down on my side, facing Rafael and patting the sheets, gesturing him to do the same.
He does as I request and is soon mirroring my side-lying pose, reaching out for my hand to caress it gently. The atmosphere in my room is calm and comforting, I wish I would never have to stop gazing into his quite perfect eyes.
I smile and open my mouth to speak again, "Rafael, I'm really glad you came over today. I enjoy spending time with you so, so much." Right now it simply feels like the right moment to say such a thing. The grip Rafael has around my fingers tightens as he whispers back, "So do I, thank you so much for inviting me over. I hope you know how much I like being around you, too."
As if some external force moves my body in this moment, I automatically scoot a few inches closer to him, so I can remove my hand from his grip and instead put it on his shoulder to draw tiny circles, stars and hearts onto the soft fabric using the tip of my index finger. His now empty hand, Rafael guides to my side and does likewise, on a spot somewhere below my ribcage.
My legs, I have them bent at the knees, Rafael has the both of his straightened with a slight tilt towards me. Inside of me, I feel a comforting heat arise.
"I'm really glad I'm with you right now, Eli. And I still blame myself for the way we met and how I treated you, because now I know that this is the last thing you deserve," Rafael confesses, squinting his eyes to express truthful regret.
I frown and shake my head, moving it a bit closer to his one while reassuring this embodiment of an angel, "Rafael, there is absolutely nothing you have to apologize for. If anything, you're the one that kept me alive when I was really, really close to giving up on myself. And if I had a chance to meet you again the way I did, I would one hundred per cent do so, no doubt. Rafael, I think you're the best, most caring person I've ever met in my life."
The hand that I has kept on his shoulder, I slowly move it to his cheek, where I gently stroke my thumb across his soft skin. A single tear build up in the inner corner of his eye, slowly dripping down the side of his nasal bridge.
Concern billows out from my chest and settles in all parts of my body. Weakly, I shake my head and whisper,
"Nononono, you're okay. Rafael, I'm doing so, so much better when I'm with you. And if..."
I hesitate and take a deep, heavy breath, continuing with an exhale,
"If my parents were alive, I know they'd pray for someone to give their son the happiness and comfort that you give me."
Rafael's heart shatters upon me saying these dreadful words, the light leaves his expression within the matter of mere seconds. More and more tears follow the path the other one has taken down his nose.
Raf's breath hitches and he sobs, moving his hips just a few inches closer to me, turning his anguished face towards my pillow, mumbling, "Eli, I don't deserve you. I don't deserve any of this. All the feelings of accomplishment you bring me, all the euphoria I feel, I deserve nothing of it, seriously."
Hearing him say these words followed by a sob truly tears my heart to shreds. I never want this perfect human being to say such nonsense ever again.
"Shut up," I whimper harshly and feel a tear leave my eyes too.
YOU ARE READING
Myocardium
Ficção Geral"When the night fades into dawn's palette..." Sex, drugs and the death-dealing pressure to make money night after night - It's a steep, downward spiral which 20-year-old Elijah Everdeen has found himself stuck in ever since his parents died. If it w...
