Myocardium

Part 22

As I sit there in silence while Rafael is packing up, I begin thinking again. Everything comes back to me, the anger, the pain, the utter terror. I begin to grind my teeth as my mind is with Ben, silent tears dwell in my eyes. I'm lucky the hood over my head gives me at least a bit of coverage to hide my emotions. Yes, maybe Rafael can help me with my physical wounds, but he won't be able to soothe the burns left on my soul, so what exactly is the point of showing him how I truly feel?

"Does it hurt that badly?", Rafael asks me quietly as he notices the pain in my eyes, but I shake my head and attempt to get up once I notice how Raf is done packing.

I'm feeling okay physically, despite a bit of light-headedness. I'm in luck that Ben didn't seem to have slit an artery, which is why the blood loss, despite creating a horrendous crime scene, will not kill me. While trying to breathe calmly as my chest tightens in fear, I walk over to the sink and wash my hands thoroughly to get the very last bit of blood off them. I just want to forget. Everything. When I turn around again, Rafael's back is facing me as I catch him reading something on a packet of pills. In a shaky, horrified voice, I dare to speak up and draw his full attention,
"I really thought they were going to kill me."

Saying those words only makes the tightness in my chest worse as more and more tears leave my eyes. Raf slowly turns around. His expression shows empathy, worry and anger. Since I don't know how else to progress from here on, I walk over to him and tightly wrap my right arm around his chest as I push my face close to his ribcage. I just want to feel safe again. Everything around me smells like him, the scent comforts me a lot, makes me feel protected from every side. Gently, he slings his arms around my shoulders and pulls me even closer to him, whispering in a low voice,
"Shh, it's okay, I'm right here. Elijah, you really need to talk to someone."

"I can't. Who would believe me? There were three of them, of course they'll cover for each other", I explain and sob in pain. Not physical pain. The hurt I feel is purely emotional this time, and it's even worse than any other pain. 

"Eli, everyone's going to believe you. You have physical evidence. You got seriously injured, this isn't something to mess around with. Who knows what else they'll threaten you with if we don't put an end to this quickly", Raf responds and gently pushes my head closer to his chest to comfort me. The fact that he uses the word 'we' when he talks about defeating these cruel people gives me hope. With him, it feels like I'm not alone for once.

"No, they're not. Raf, nobody is going to believe me. They used a scalpel, not some of their belongings or something someone other than I would steal and use. Hell, let another doctor check on me, they'll just assume I did this to myself and deem me clinically insane", I sob and breathe in his scent deeply to calm myself down a bit. I'm in a panic, I'm scared. No, I'm absolutely terrified.
"Why would you say that?", Rafael asks me carefully, seemingly taken aback by my words. Damnit, I need to learn how to shut my fucking mouth for once. For a second, he seems to be thinking, before he presumably conjoins the two puzzle pieces and carefully speaks up again,
"Elijah, are you self-harming?"

"I used to be" is everything I could push through my trembling lips before a sob escapes through them.
"But the scars and marks are all still there", I add truthfully and immediately break down in tears again, pressing my face closer to his shoulder.
"Shh, it's alright, Eli. You'll get through all of this, I promise", he coos, his voice is now softer and more understanding than ever.

I don't answer and simply let his embrace comfort me. With every minute he holds me close to him, I feel more and more safe and protected. The thought of Ben and his friends terrifies me to the bone.
"They want me dead, Raf", I hiccup between my sobs.
"They will not get to see you dead, Elijah. We'll make sure they won't get a chance to hurt you anymore, alright?", he reassures me and readjusts his arms to hold me protectively.
"Until then, I need you to stay among people or around your professors so they can't get you alone. I don't want anything bad happen to you, Eli. I never wanted that", he resumes and leans his head against the top of mine.