Myocardium

Part 26

 I arrive at the brightly illuminated building, and make my way to the changing room after hanging out in the back to get a blunt in for the night. It is getting harder and harder per night for me to not squirt some of this magic liquid into my bloodstream. But I know I can't. Not as long as I'm on pain meds, which I've taken even more of today, due to what happened in class. 

Even though I must say, the cut is healing rather well and the fact that the bruise on my arm is getting less and less visible is a nice additional benefit too. But, fuck, if it weren't for these damn hot and cold flushes, they're making it so difficult to function. 

Another thing I need to deal with are these stupid emotions I have to manually ignore without the help of the heroin. But for now, a joint is enough to get me in a mood that I know will get me through this night. Only one more night, then this whole performance shenanigan is over until further notice, more or less at least. This is the one silver lining I have, so might as well hold onto it, right?

On my way to the lockers, I find Stacy and Rose making out in the hallways like they don't care about anything or anyone else. This whole concept of making out with practically everyone is strange to me. I mean, isn't kissing, as long as it's wanted from both sides, something highly personal that shows trust and comfort or...idk, maybe lust and desire or even love? 

I don't know though, maybe don't ask the guy who has yet to kiss someone willingly. To be honest, I would probably not even know in which type of situation it'd be appropriate to kiss someone or how someone could possibly ever give me this exact type of desire that makes me want to kiss them that everyone else seems to feel all the time. Ugh, I don't know...maybe it's a me-problem after all.

When the weed finally hits, I get ready in the same ways I always do and have some shallow conversation with Jesse as I put on some work-appropriate clothes. One simple look into the mirror tells me that I clearly need to be dyeing my hair again at some point soon, since the colour is heavily fading, and my dark roots are prominently visible. I'll need to think about the colour I'll go with next though. 

Well, there's enough time for me to figure things out, it's not as if my damn life depends on the shade of my hair colour. Maybe I'll do it tomorrow? Or the day after? Or is it a better idea to wait until I get the renewed working contract for this hell of a job? Hmm, I mean, I do know that my current stage-name will be eradicated from the register, and I'll need to create a new identity, so I might as well go full on change-mode. 

Boss never gave me a proper explanation for this change of stage-identity, and I never dared to ask. My best guess would be that it's a safety-precaution in case the authorities ever catch wind of what is going on in this dirty establishment. Although I can't really imagine a future in which this dream will come true. Or if I would not rather be calling it a nightmare if it actually happened, for that matter.

In the lounge, there're a few people who are creeping up on my co-workers already. My boss is there too, simply observing the whole situation from a dark, lonely corner. The only person who immediately bestows me with THAT type of look is an elderly man who's sitting by the bar, so this is where I'm headed first. And oh boy, he is OLD. 

Like, '80 years with a couple of Viagra pills in his system' – type of old. The suspicion only arises when I notice the clearly visible bulge forming through his suit-pants. I'm not judging, just disgusted by the thought in general. I mean, hey, if having sex is what makes his last couple of years more enjoyable, you go ahead buddy. That's what Viagra's here for, right? Although, I must admit that I am slightly afraid of accidentally causing acute heart failure in elderly customers, as this can and will get me into some serious troubles, certainly.

Anyhow, I try my best to be as polite as possible while seducing him and getting myself two delicious drinks, which are obviously paid by him. These two beverages manage to get me a bit tipsy though, most likely due to the lack of proper food in my stomach. Damnit, the banana and chocolate bar did not suffice, I should have known better.