Myocardium

Part 40

In the early morning hours of this gloomy-looking autumn Friday, I wake up with a something weighing heavily on my chest. Upon further inspection, I realize that it is Raf, who is lying on top of me in a similar manner to when we fell asleep. 

Did we stay in this position all night long? Or did Rafael move back into this position at some point throughout the night? Either way, discovering him sleeping so soundly with his head on my shoulder makes me smile. The feelings from last night haven't vanished yet, and I am hoping they never will.

Since my alarm hasn't gone off yet and my body seems to have randomly decided to wake up 5 minutes before the alarm, I choose to utilize these five more minutes to admire the utter beauty of the man who is snuggling close to me. 

The dimmed light seeping through my thin curtains gives me a pretty clear view of his facial features, they look even softer when he is sleeping so soundly. 

Harmless. He is so harmless.

Carefully, I lift my hand up from where it is resting and bring it up to his cheek, where I gently tuck a strand of his hair behind his ear, immediately brightening my smile. This man makes me so incredibly happy, it feels so surreal to actually have him so close to me, physically and emotionally.

In order not to wake him up, I make sure to move only in stealthy, shallow motions. Eventually, I can no longer resist the urge and tilt my head to press my lips against his temple. I can feel his slow, steady breath against my neck, as well as his hand that is resting on my other shoulder. His fingers twitch every now and then and his exhales are silent, barely audible to me. 

It's the small details that I notice and fully take in as though I never want to leave this bed ever again. I don't. If it means I'll feel this alive forever, I never want to leave. My other arm finds its place on Raf's back, where I gently draw a few small circles with my fingertips.

Those five minutes feel like no time at all and before I know it, my annoying alarm blares. My phone frustrates me, but not because it indicates that it is time for us to get up, but because it is disrupting Rafael's sleep. He looks so content when he's asleep, as if there is nothing bothering his mind. I like this sight, a lot. Effortlessly, I pick up my phone from the night stand to turn off the jarring alarm. 

When I check the battery, I see that it is only 87% charged. That's strange, usually my phone gets to 100% overnight without issue. Besides, I have just picked it up a second ago without having to unplug it first. Hm, maybe I sleep-drunkenly tried checking the time in the middle of the night and forgot to plug it back in. Than can happen, I know that my battery will last throughout the day one way or the other.

Drowsily, Rafael begins moving within my arms and rolls off me, still half-asleep, before gaining consciousness and yawning tiredly while he stretches out his limbs. There is nothing intimidating about this version of him, but I love seeing this softness he holds within him a lot. 

"Good morning," I let out a yawn and turn my torso to face Raf, who also switches his focus to me and gives me a sleepy smile as he groans "Good morning, teddy-bear" back at me, making my face glow at an instant.

Rafael lifts his head with a jerk and forces his eyes open as much as their adjustment to the light let him, muttering, "Did I crush you too much?", as if this question shoots into his mind first thing after waking up. My loving, amused response comes out with a snicker, "Don't worry, sleepyhead, I can take it."

"But I don't want to hurt you," Raf grumbles in desperate protest and inches himself closer to me so he can wrap his arms around my torso and snuggle himself against me. Inside my stomach, I can feel a strange, nauseating sensation, but not remotely one that feels bad. It's more of an excited flutter.