Myocardium

Part 2

Like any other night, I return home at some point between five and six o'clock in the morning. I enter our apartment and take off my shoes, putting them onto the shoe rack next to the door and hang my jacket onto a coat hanger above the rack. The money I made, I lock it away in on of the drawers of the nightstand in my bedroom, so no one will ever take it away from us again. 

After all, we still need it. 

On my tiptoes, I shuffle across the living room, quietly opening the door to Sasha's room, where my brother is sleeping peacefully. After repeating the process to ensure my little sister's well-being, I grab a cup of yoghurt from the fridge in our small kitchen. 

I'm starving. 

As I sit down on my bed, I begin thinking. 

The cocaine is beginning to wear off and with it also melts the confidence about my nightly doings. Seriously, what kind of brother leaves their siblings by themselves overnight, doing drugs and sleeping with people for money? 

I'm failing them, and I am dreading the day they find out their big brother is more of a villain than a hero. 

Maybe I truly am following my parents' footsteps like Joe said I would, becoming a terrible person like they were too. Maybe this is why the only people who accept me for who I am are my colleagues, people just as messed up as me, and my siblings, who I relentlessly stay strong for.

Unable to sleep, I get up after an hour of resting and gently knock on Daisy's door.
"Good morning, princess. It's time to get up." 

It's Friday. Finally. This week's been particularly exhausting. 

The weekend almost feels like a little break from the lack of sleep and the overwhelming workload our professors are putting on us. As I enter Daisy's room and open the curtains, she rubs her eyes and yawns a drowsy 'Good morning' while burying her tiny face in the pillow again. 

Outside, it's still dark, it's been raining all night. On Daisy's bedside table, there's a small carved pumpkin. October's approaching. Therefore, there are all kinds of Halloween and autumn decorations scattered all over our apartment. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be as much of a festive person if it weren't for my siblings, but if they enjoy it, I'll gladly share the spirit. 

Our morning routine has been the same for years now. First, I wake up Daisy so I can help her if she needs something while getting ready in the bathroom, then I wake Sasha so I can make breakfast for us while he's getting ready. 

We've found that that's the most efficient way of doing it since we can all eat together once Sasha's ready. Especially when Daisy was still younger and needed help getting dressed. Meanwhile, she has learned to do pretty much everything by herself as well.

Mostly, I only help her brush and braid her hair, since she's still struggling with it a bit and needs to look neat when she's at school too. Apart from this, my siblings' self-sufficiency gives me the time I need to prepare breakfast and some lunchboxes for them. Additional to our usual breakfast consisting of toast with various spreads or toppings, I place one cup of green tea for Sasha and a cup of hot chocolate for Daisy together with a mug of coffee for myself on the dining table in our living room.

For lunch, I usually prepare sandwiches and put them into their lunchboxes, together with sliced fruits or veggies and a bottle of water or diluted syrups or juices. So far, they have not complained about their food, so I naturally assume that I'm not doing too bad of a job. I try my best to raise them healthily, which is why I usually make an effort to prepare our home-cooked dinner before I need to leave for classes. 

Both Daisy's elementary school and Sasha's middle-school start lessons at 8:00 a.m. and I have scheduled my classes to start at 9 a.m., giving me enough time to at least begin cooking something up for when they come home. Reheating is always easier than cooking up a whole meal from scratch after an exhausting day of studies. I always stay away from frozen food and similar things since I know my parents wouldn't have raised them like this either.