I Just Want to Be With My Wife

Well, They Found Her. But Not How She Left Them

The run down cab drives down the streets of Italy, taking them towards the address on the paper.

When the cab arrives, they both get out.

"This is it?" Luigi asks, looking at the seedy looking building.

"I need singles." Giovanni frets.

"Looking..." Luigi looks both ways down the streets. "Ooh, those pants are swanky."

"I said I need singles!" Giovanni says, snapping his fingers.

"Wow, I like those pants even more!" Luigi says as he sees another Italian man walk down the street.

"Luigi, can you please focus on finding your mother?" Giovanni requests, as the cab driver says something in Italian. "And tell me what he just said?"

"How would I know?" Luigi shakes his head, shrugging. "I can't understand Italian."

"Yes you do! I hear you say it all the time!" Giovanni reminds him.

"I can speak it just fine." Luigi says, looking in his wallet. "Understanding rapid fire is impossible."

"Your mother never taught you to understand Italian?" Giovanni demands.

"Neither did you." Luigi points out.

"Why do you think I asked you to come with?" Giovanni says, then gives up in favor of giving the cab driver more money, knowing he probably just overpaid when the cab driver smiles and gets back in the cab.

"I think I found it." Luigi says. "But there's no way. I don't see a doorbell."

"Think we should call?" Giovanni asks.

"She has a phone here?" Luigi asks, surprised.

"She has a bell here?" Giovanni asks.

"How would I know?"

"There you go." Giovanni says, picking up their bags, then looking at the door. "I'm scared."

"So am I." Luigi agrees.

"What am I supposed to say?" Giovanni shakes his head, at a complete loss.

"Just go find her and remind her you're still the husband she fell in love with." Luigi suggests. "Betcha she's sick of it already, and she's waiting for any excuse to come home."

"Be her husband." Giovanni says to himself, then pushes the door open with his body.

They walk right into a courtyard, and in seconds, an angry Italian woman is yelling at them, so they try to talk to her.

"Uh hi." Giovanni starts, dropping the bags to use his hands. "We're looking for Mia Mario."

"Signora Mario." Luigi says.

"Mia Mario?" the woman says suddenly, then resumes her shouting, which Luigi and Giovanni take as their cue to keep moving along.

They walk towards some stairs that look promising, Giovanni asking, "You're sure this is the place?"

"This is the address on the paper." Luigi says, waving it. "Not exactly the Italy people see in the brochures."

"This isn't an apartment, it's where the Mafia dumps their bodies so no one will miss them." Giovanni says bitterly, sniffing in disgust. "Mia! Mia, where are you?"

"Dad, the lady's following us." Luigi warns as they reach the stairs.

"Don't talk to her." Giovanni says. "Any conversation you could attempt right now would be one sided."