I Just Want to Be With My Wife

Gio, I'm Seeing a Whole Different Side to You

 "Attention all guests. The Grappa and scopa mixer tonight will take place in the rec room at 9."

Destiny's unpacking her suitcase when Mia finds her.

"The boys just went to the barber." Destiny says immediately.

"Gio told me." Mia waves off.

"Mia, I promise." Destiny stands up. "You won't even know I'm here."

"Don't worry about it, Destiny." Mia assures.

"I just didn't think to book a cottage with everything else." Destiny explains.

"Again, don't worry about it." Mia repeats. "You should find your own place sooner or later."

But when she doesn't leave, Destiny asks, "Was there something else you wanted to talk to me about?"

"Destiny." Mia starts. "We're not in New Donk or Brooklyn, so I need to be as transparent as I can. Gio is not himself up here."

"You mean all the Micheladas he's been drinking? I've seen that already." Destiny's quick to say.

"There's more to it than that." Mia insists. "He does things in the morning. When everyone else is sleeping in, you can count on him to be out by the lake doing his morning exercises."

"Oh." Destiny says. "That doesn't sound so bad."

"It's not." Mia agrees. "It's what he wears when he does that's the problem. Now that you're here, there's a chance you're going to spot him."

"What does he wear?"

"A tracksuit." Mia says.

"What is a tracksuit?"

"Just a two piece outfit. But unfortunately Gio is one man who does not look good in it." Mia explains. "He doesn't know this, but I caught him in it once. And now there's a chance you will too. I think it's best you brace yourself."

"Okay..." Destiny says slowly.

"Perhaps I can persuade him to show you, just so it's not a shock." Mia suggests.

"Nononononononono." Destiny says immediately. "Trust me, I don't need it. I'm a deep sleeper. Luigi can vouch for that."

"I'll see you two later." A fellow customer says as he gets up from his chair. "You two look more like father and son every day."

"Goodbye, Ed." Giovanni replies.

"You two need to head to the buffing station." The barber says.

"Hey Dad?" Luigi says as they move. "Thanks for letting Destiny stay with us. She didn't have a choice, and I want her to spend time with the kids."

"Oh don't worry about that." Giovanni assures, picking up a newspaper. "Though I was impressed when she stood up for you at orientation. She's no pushover. Hopefully that's the end of the whispers."

"Took the words right out of my mouth." Luigi agrees.

"That stuff's only supposed to be behind closed doors." Giovanni keeps going. "Speaking of which, who's the new girl?"

"Huh?" Luigi looks at his dad.

"Who's the new girl?" Giovanni repeats. "Gotta be a new one, I'd think. Me and your mother are in the dark."

"So everyone else's life can stay behind closed doors, but mine can't?" Luigi asks.

"Well what else am I supposed to think when you keep coming home late?" Giovanni points out.

"Oh." Luigi says, then decides to run with it, lying, "Yeah, you're right. I am dating."

"Do we know them? Someone from Brooklyn?" Giovanni presses.

"No no. Just playing the field." Luigi keeps lying, then covers, "I'm not like a player or anything, I'm just going out on dates when they pop up. That's it. Know what I mean?"

"I think so." Giovanni says slowly.

"Been branching out to the other boroughs and worlds too." Luigi keeps laying it on thick.

"Are you sure that's smart?" Giovanni asks. "Don't you have friends who can set you up?"

"No." Luigi says, now trying to shut it down.

"Not even the blonde woman in pink who claims she's a princess?"

"Peach?" Luigi says. "No, all her friends are royals, and we know I don't stand a chance with any of them."

"Then who are these non-royal women you've been dating?" Giovanni pushes again. "What about the woman who gave you her fur coat?"

"What fur coat?" Luigi asks, momentarily confused.

"The one you wore in mass last year." Giovanni reminds him. "Is she in taxidermy?"

"No, her ex was a hunter." Luigi makes up on the spot. "But trust me, that was never going anywhere. She was...more Annie Oakley than I could handle."

"You dated a hunter?" Giovanni asks, shocked.

"And a subway cleaner." Luigi adds.

"Really?"

"And a ride operator." Luigi says. "Who, in a complete twist of fate, I met because the date with the subway cleaner was so bad, I left the subway station, and it happened to be the one for Coney Island, so I went up the stairs, and there she was."

"Jesus." Giovanni swears.

"So we met after someone took her place as operator. We had a good time, then she introduced me to her brother, an entertainer, but then at that point, I was just thinking, 'Okay, this was fun, but all signs are pointing to the end.' They were nice, but I didn't wanna end up working in Coney Island."

"Are you pulling my leg?" Giovanni demands.

"No!" Luigi lies.

"Are you sleeping with any of these women?" Giovanni asks pointedly.

"Oh God no." Luigi shakes his head. "I don't let it get to that."

Then he holds out his hand for the barber to file, as Giovanni tries to start again, "But Luigi--"

"Dad, this has been fun, but if I don't get my hands finished, they're gonna be a mess and I'm gonna be late picking up MJ and Desi. But thanks for bringing all this up. I didn't like keeping it in."

"I'm gonna have your mother put feelers out for you." Giovanni decides.

"Oh." Luigi says. "Okay."

He doesn't seem to know what else to say to that, so he just focuses on his nails as they're worked on.