I Just Want to Be With My Wife

Made it to the Gig, But Luigi's Yet to Go On

"Hang on." Luigi says as they walk into the club. "You smell that?"

"Cheap booze and puke?" Mario says.

"I know!" Luigi says, then goes to talk to a server, "Hi, I'm a comic performing here tonight."

The server just walks away in disgust, making Luigi wonder, "What the hell's wrong with her?"

"We're in a real club now, Lu." Mario reminds him. "Don't take any shit."

"Right." Luigi nods in agreement, and promptly says to another server, "Get the fuck out of my way before I kick you there myself."

"Better." Mario praises, then says, "There's the guy. Sam, hello!"

He leads Luigi to the club owner, greeting, "Super Mario of the Super Mario Brothers."

"Who cares about you." Sam replies. "This my human comic?"

"That's me." Luigi says as he takes off his jacket to reveal his overalls.

"Alright. Your slot's 8 minutes." Sam says.

"8 minutes...." Mario repeats, looking nervously at Luigi.

"I'll talk a mile a minute." Luigi promises.

"You have 5 drink tickets." Sam hands them over. "Third slot."

As he walks away, Mario whistles in approval. "That's an awesome slot."

"It is?" Luigi asks.

"Oh yeah." Mario says as he and Luigi walk to the bar with the tickets. "Perfect slot. Crowd's paying attention but not yet tired."

"Okay, good." Luigi agrees as they reach the bar. "Third. I love third."

He turns around in a circle. "How's it all look? Hair? Teeth? Clothes?"

As Mario finishes checking, a voice behind them says, "Sorry, are you the Mario Brother?"

"You can just call me Luigi." Luigi greets, turning to greet the other Koopa-looking characters.

"Call you Luigi?" one of them says.

"Sammy told us a human was gonna be following us tonight." Another says. "Didn't know it was gonna be an adorable human."

"Thank you?" Luigi says.

"And those overalls, phew!"

"I'm Super Mario." Mario interjects. "I'm his manager."

"Wait, you're the guy from Boo's Lantern." The first Koopa says.

"Yeah, Daisy's guy."

"No no." Luigi shakes his head quickly. "We're just friends."

"So what's your act? Magician's assistant? No....you're a jazz singer, aren't you?"

"Nuh uh." Luigi replies.

"You should be a jazz singer. You look like you're hiding the voice of an angel under those pipes."

"But I'm not." Luigi insists.

"Who cares? Those overalls make me wanna eat you up!"

"Hey, while we got you here, did you and Daisy...you know."

"Did we what?" Luigi asks, confused.

"I'm just saying, what she did is unheard of in this business. Only way she'd stoop that low is if you did something first."

"Props to you. Heck, I can't say I wouldn't do the same if it were me! Banging Princess Daisy? A no brainer!"

"Oh my God, he didn't fuck Princess Daisy, okay?" Mario pipes up again.