"I can't go out in public anymore!" Luigi says to Mario over the phone.
" Why not? "
"I can't talk among my peers without turning it into a joke!" Luigi tells him.
" So you can't make small talk? Waste of breath anyway. "
"Mario, I'm serious!" Luigi insists. "I've thrown the concept of tact right out the fucking window!" then realizes, "Did you hear that just now? I just said 'fucking window'! I used to only swear when it was appropriate, and now I think I say it more than any other word in the English language! What in the fucking fuck?"
" Rinse your mouth out with soap. That's what Ma did when we were kids. "
Upon hearing some background noise, Luigi asks, "What's going on?"
" Dancing show. "
"Huh?"
" One of the Greek family's kids dances for the whole family. Keep talking. "
"I did a speech at my own wedding, and the only thing I said that could even be considered offensive was 'pineapple on pizzas'." Luigi says.
Mario laughs, " Please tell me you got a photo of everyone's faces the exact moment you said it. That shit's priceless. Your gig tonight's at 8."
"No, it's at 9 and you're lying so I don't show up late." Luigi says flatly.
" Don't care. Come at 8, or don't come at all. " Mario replies cheerfully.
"Fine. Fucking 8 o' fucking clock, I'm there." Luigi says. "But I've got an errand to run first."
" Well whatever it is, don't forget about the gig. "
"I promise that's not gonna happen." Luigi swears.
" Talk to you later. "
With that, they hang up.
Destiny's pacing with the latest treasure map in Uncle Gordon's basement, then stomps her foot in frustration, sitting down.
"Boo."
She hears Luigi's voice before she sees him, so it startles her.
"Sorry. Too much?" Luigi asks as he comes closer.
"Nah, just right." Destiny assures. "Stopped me from falling asleep and never waking up. Cause that's what I feel like doing after looking at this thing." She holds up the map.
"Here's the money." Luigi pulls the money out of his pocket.
"All 5 grand." Destiny says.
"And then some, actually." Luigi admits, then takes the map. "Can I get a look at this?"
"Chris Columbus is turning in his grave." Destiny says dryly.
"Which part of this were you trying to find?" Luigi asks.
"Here." Destiny points.
"I think I see the problem. You're in the wrong spot." Luigi says, standing up. "We need to go deeper."
He starts walking, so Destiny follows until they reach a door, and push it open.
"So if I'm looking at this right, what you're looking for is...here." Luigi stops moving, as Destiny keeps looking around.
Luigi stomps on the floor, hearing a hollow sound, and asks, "Got a hammer?"
"This is it." He hears Destiny say.
"The money?" Luigi asks.
"What I'm gonna do." Destiny clarifies, looking at Luigi.
Luigi, for his part, says nothing as he looks around at the room, old and dirty from disuse.
YOU ARE READING
I Just Want to Be With My Wife
HumorSequel to Thank you and Goodnight! Starting the career was the easy part. Keeping it is a whole other ball game. Disappearing for the whole summer and starting a new romance? Forget it. And yet, Luigi's gonna do it all. What could happen?
