I Just Want to Be With My Wife

The Mario Brothers Aren't Doing Too Well in Either Hemisphere

"What did I tell you?" Mia gushes as they walk out of the restaurant.

"You told me." Luigi agrees, then just says, "Ma, how long do you plan on hurting Dad?"

"Your father will get over it." Mia says dismissively.

"No he won't." Luigi insists. "Can you not see he's at the breaking point?"

"Once he realizes he has the bedroom all to himself, he'll forget all about me." Mia jokes.

"Ma, explain this to me like I'm 5." Luigi requests.

"Explain what?"

"You got what you wanted, okay?" Luigi says. "None of us noticed how unhappy you were, so you made us notice. You made him notice. He's here to apologize!"

"I heard nothing close to an apology." Mia says. "Did you?"

"Ma, come on..." Luigi begs.

"I'm bilingual, figlio." Mia reminds him. "And in neither language did I hear an apology."

"He's here, isn't he?" Luigi points out. "You know Dad always lets his actions speak louder than his words."

"Actions don't cut it." Mia says stubbornly.

"What could he possibly say that he hasn't already?" Luigi demands.

"Nothing." Mia says. "I don't want him to say anything at all. I don't want him here."

"Don't give me that, Ma." Luigi shakes his head. "You had to have known the moment he realized you were gone, he'd come after you."

"No, I didn't." Mia shrugs.

"Then what did you think was gonna happen?" Luigi demands.

"I didn't want to be unhappy anymore, so I left." Mia shrugs again.

"You're my mother!" Luigi reminds her. "Your life is in New Donk! You have grandkids? Remember them?"

"Of course I do." Mia says defensively.

"Ma!" Luigi says, outraged.

"They can visit in the summers, and when Ethan's ready to cut his hair, Bologna has plenty of barbers. So much better than back home." Mia says flippantly.

"And me?" Luigi tries. "Are you thinking about me at all in this?"

"You're here now." Mia says.

"Keyword now . I can't stay." Luigi says.

"But you can visit, no?" Mia says with a smile.

"And Dad?" Luigi says.

"Your dad has never needed anyone but himself." Mia says flatly.

"Okay, Ma, I'm not fucking around anymore." Luigi says angrily. "Get over yourself. So your life and family didn't turn out the way you wanted. That doesn't mean you get to just dump it."

"What do you care what I'm doing with my life?" Mia demands.

"Dad's your husband, and you said you'd spend the rest of your life with him!" Luigi exclaims, close to shouting. "You can't just leave him!"

Mia only smiles at him. "Why not? You did." then looks down at the cat, "Venire, Mollica.", and walks away.

Mario sits in between Wario and Waluigi on the subway.

"You're a better?" Mario asks, noticing Wario's looking in the paper.

"Now and again." Wario replies.

"I used to bet on the ponies." Mario admits. "Had a coworker that had good tips."

"What happened? He go broke?" Wario asks.

"No clue. One day he didn't show up for work, and that was it." Mario shrugs.

"Seriously?" Now Waluigi's listening too.

"Yep." Mario nods. "Bookkeeper didn't like being stiffed, so they came after him. Kept his shoes though." He kicks his feet up, to show them off. "Or maybe he went into hiding. Got a package with a piece of scalp in the mail. Though when you mail a body part, it decomposes some."

"A scalp?" Waluigi repeats. "We know some people who do scalping. Might've been one of them."

They hear intercom come on, "Avenue U and McDonald.", making Mario note, "We're going to West Brighton?"

"What makes you say that?" Wario demands.

"Well, we're riding through Gravesend." Mario points out. "And from the look of it, we're going straight towards the Riegelmann Boardwalk. I know, because I used to live in the Gravesend neighborhood."

"Really?" Waluigi's eyes light up.

"Uh huh." Mario nods.

"Hear that, Wario? We got a Brooklynite." Waluigi grins.

"Is Punch-Out still there?" Mario wonders.

"Nah, we demolished it." Wario says.

"Shame. Only place I knew that had the best red pepper pizza." Mario sighs.

"Okay, you're at Brighton House, huh?" Mario says, looking up at the tall building.

"Uh huh. Moved here after my business went belly up in Diamond City." Wario says. "My wife was not happy, but we had no choice."

"Did she live?" Mario jokes, but Wario and Waluigi just escort him inside the building.