I Just Want to Be With My Wife

Costume: Ruined. Audience: Good as Gone. First Real Gig: Priceless

"Okay I lied again." Mario slurs. " This is the last chance for a drink."

He reaches over to hand the bartender the ticket, and ends up falling right off the stool, startling Luigi.

"Jesus, are you okay?" Luigi asks worriedly.

"Look at me, I'm Jerry Lewis!" Mario giggles.

"You're up next." Sammy tells Luigi.

"Finally." Luigi says, turning back to Mario. "How do I look?"

Upon seeing he's still on the floor, Luigi orders, "Get up! You still need to manage me."

"Okay, okay." Mario grabs the stool to pull himself back to his feet. "Remember, wait for them to stop laughing. Last time you were rushing." Mario reminds him as they go towards the stage.

"I know." Luigi agrees. "I'll slow down."

Right as the audience applauds, Mario says, as part of their pre-show ritual, "Let's-a go."

"Okie dokie." Luigi replies.

"That's my show, you've all been wonderful." Roy says, then appears to get some kind of signal, because he says, "Oh wow, ladies and gentlemen, we got a special treat for you tonight. Someone just came in, and this night will be officially ruined if we don't get her to come up here. Wendy, come on up!"

The audience erupts in thunderous applause, as Luigi shares a frustrated look with Mario.

"Too little, too late." Iggy says behind them.

"Don't worry, Wendy's doing all the heavy lifting for you." Ludwig says. "All you gotta do is talk, and they'll laugh."

"Don't you have somewhere to be?" Mario snaps.

"No way am I about to miss my sister's set." Ludwig replies.

With that, Mario and Luigi walk back to the bar.

"Fuck it." Luigi sits next to Mario. "Can I get a Manhattan, please?"

"No more drink tickets." Mario points out.

"I need some food too." Luigi replies, going to grab his coat.

"Two orders of potato skins." Mario adds to the order. "Pay the guy, Lu."

"Why is this gig costing me more than it's costing them?" Luigi wonders.

"Could be worse. You could be wearing the same outfit as everyone else." Mario says.

"Why did I think this would be different?" Luigi muses as he hands over the coins. "The whole day was off from the get-go. Destiny tried to buy an apartment for me."

"What's wrong with that? About time she did something with Daddy's money that didn't end up on her face." Mario says as the bartender sets down Luigi's drink.

"But it's my own singular apartment." Luigi reminds him. "I've never lived by myself. Before Dad threw you out, we were living with our parents. Even at trade school, we stayed home to save money. Then after Dad threw you out, I moved in with Destiny."

"And all those 5 years since Dad threw me out, I lived alone." Mario adds.

"It's terrifying." Luigi admits, sipping his drink. "Do I still remember how to unclog a toilet?"

"Weeg, you went to trade school to become a plumber." Mario laughs. "I'm pretty sure you don't have to worry about that."

Luigi just shakes his head, which makes Mario joke, "Least you'll be in good company. Cops are gonna find us in the bathroom, you holding the plunger, me covered in whatever the toilet was backed up with."