I Just Want to Be With My Wife

This Sunmer's Not Gonna Be the Same, and Destiny's Not Even Here Yet!

 "Attention guests." A P. A. says over the intercom. " Orientation begins in one hour in the main hall. Hope to see you there! "

"Bring everything!" Giovanni calls to Michael as the Mario family walks down the path towards the cottage.

"Hello, Kenoza Lake!"

Giovanni starts barking orders when they arrive.

"Let's get to work!"

Once they go inside, it's just a bunch of yelling.

"Why did they move all the furniture?"

"Just move it, Ma!"

"I wrote up exactly how they were supposed to arrange it!"

"They know our preferences! This should've been taken care of before we got here!"

"Put that in the second bedroom! On the right!"

"This screen door's not staying on right!"

"I can help with that, Mr. Mario!"

"Last I checked, you're not a licensed handyman, Timmy!"

"Sorry, sir."

"No, sorry, it's the bedroom on the left! My mistake!"

"Open the windows, Gio."

"Working on it!"

"We're running out of room."

"Just wedge it like a puzzle piece. We can move something around."

"No, not on the couch!"

"They changed the carpeting!"

"Just put it back, please. We'll deal."

"No we won't. I've already solved it."

"Why is the couch on the chair?"

"We didn't bring this much luggage a year ago!"

"Ahh, take in that fresh air!"

"All our luggage is pushing us out of the kitchen!"

"Please don't break that lamp!"

"I don't remember that tree."

"I do, Dad."

"Now there's an extra chair!"

"Can I do something about the tree for you, Mr. Mario?"

"What could you possibly do about a fully grown tree? Think!"

"Shit, MJ's action figure is missing!"

"Which one?"

"Roy Rogers. Knew I should've double checked!"

"We can have Timmy to get him a new one!"

"With the horse? It has to have the horse!"

"Why is the couch outside?"

"Trying to fix that now!"

"It's going to track in dirt!"

"Sorry about Destiny, Luigi!"

"Don't worry about it, Elias."

"Are you heartbroken?"

"I have another Michelada for you, Mr. Mario!"
"Why are you bringing me drinks when you're supposed to be helping with the luggage?"

"Oh that's good, Luigi. You should be back on the horse already! What a bitch."

"Why do we have so many cooks in the kitchen?"
"Why are there cooks in the kitchen?"

Glass breaking.

"Timmy!"

"The floor's all sticky!"

"I'll find a mop!"

"Gio!"

"We need a towel!"

"Who put the couch outside?"

"I don't know!"

"The layout's fine as is." Luigi decides when they finally sit to relax on the patio.

"I agree." Mia says next to him.

"All that work just to put it back how we found it." Luigi chuckles.

"But now we know." Mia points out.

"Everything good, Marios?" Patty walks up.

"Yes, grazie, Patty." Luigi says.

"I'll grab Gio for you." Mia starts to get up.

"No, actually, I'm here to talk to Luigi. May I join you?"

"By all means." Luigi gestures.

"Okay, so orientation is about to start." Patty says. "So I don't want to take up much of your time. We need to discuss the swimsuit competition."

"Mrs. Villa Roma? What about it?" Mia asks.

"Destiny's record is impeccable." Patty begins. "And she only gets more beautiful. So that's why I think she should be promoted to sash girl!"

"Sash girl?" Luigi repeats. "But that's not even a competitor!"

"Exactly." Patty agrees.

"But what if she wins?" Luigi points out.

"Look, she's competed so many years already, even other pageants before she was married, and now she can't." Patty explains. "Not with your marital problems."

"But we're not divorced yet." Luigi says.

"But Mrs. Villa Roma has to be accompanied by her husband. And both of you there will make people talk." Patty goes on. "But we still want you to be a part of it, so you'll just be supporting her as the sash girl. Thanks for being such a good sport about this." Patty says as he stands up. "Look at this way: now you can pig out as much as you want! See you for orientation!"

As Patty leaves, Luigi says despairingly, "Destiny just got disqualified from Mrs. Villa Roma. She's gonna be pissed."

"Put on your Marlon Brando trunks." Mia decides, then gets up to go inside.