if only..

chapter 24 - insomniac

regular TWz

 I don't know how long we were like this, just holding each other tightly. Both of us wanting to spill out how we felt but we both already knew. It was normal for some reason, at least it felt normal. This moment felt like it was always how it should be, us. together, forever. 

       Maybe we would have stayed like that forever - which I wouldn't mind - but Mikey came in to check on Donnie. 

    He stared at me, and I stared back. Donnie still hadn't noticed Mikey was there, which I felt good about that for some reason. Then we just smiled at each other, I really hope I could stay here forever. Since Donnie did ruin my life, I forgave him but he still owed me one. 

       "hey Donny" Mikey chirped as he walked into the cell, shivering a bit at how cold it was in here. Donatello immeatitaly jumped off of me, completely embarrassed but soon regaining his composure. 

     "Hello Micheal, what do you need?" he coughed up

       "just checking in" he smiled, and I giggled. Donnie shot me a glance, I giggled even more. I was, happy? weird, I haven't felt that since playing video games with Raph, Leo, and Mikey. I liked this feeling, I finally got the serotonin I deserved. I just wanted to smile until I looked like fucking Jeff the killer. 

     "well can you please leave, Im having a conversation with Y/N" He quickly mumbled, trying to get back to me without feeling embarrassed without his 13 year old brother seeing what a mess he was. 

   "okay- okay" Mikey sighed but then quickly regained his smile back "Im definitely  telling the others about this" then he started to run off

     "GET BACK HERE!!!" Donnie yelled but failed, as he slumped down instead of running for him. He stumbled back into my arms, I smelled him. He smelled like honey, I liked honey. Either way I felt more comfortable with him ever. And it was something that was again new to me. I loved Donnie, that hadn't changed. But my entire self was floating, was in a dream that I didn't want to wake up from. Still I can't get rid of my small hatred for him. Everytime I look at my arms or legs/thighs, my deep scars remind me of what he put me though, or everytime I look in the mirror and I still haven't gained a fraction of my healthy weight, I'm still stuck in a deathly skinny body. 

     And to know it was all for him, I still don't know how I forgave him. But it is all for him. 

everytime I wake up in the morning, its for him. Everytime I breathe, its for him. Everytime I want to kill people FOR HIM. And i'd do it for him, I'd kill for him. Hell i'd kill everyone I see I for him (foreshadowing?????) 

        I lean my head onto his forehead, closing my eyes. This is how life was supposed to be, and I was going to live it to the fullest.

      then I heard chuckling, I looked up. I giggled too. Raph, Leo, and mikey were standing there with Mikey having a smirk on his face. He waved at me, but when I raised my hand to wave back Donnie looked up at me and then slowly he turned his head towards his brothers. 

    Donnie was exactly like a cat, he jumped off of me, even more embarrassed then before. 
"AGHH GO AWAY." He yelled like he was a 12 year old girl. Whining. He hid himself in his knees, obviously flustered. I stood up, and smiled at the others. And then at Raph. I held out my hand, trying to make some truce since in the past he hasn't quite liked me. 

      "does this mean you like me now?" I give an awkward smile, he nods, not taking my hand. It was a start, and I'm grateful for that. I smile at Leo and Mikey before I turn to Donnie as I kneel on the ground towards him. 

         "Come on dude, wanna go eat pizza?" I lift his chin up, giggling. This was normal, besides the whole mutant situation. He nods, standing up with me in unison. I hold his hand, which he already has, he still is flustered. 

        With everyone else we walk towards the kitchen, where pizza boxes stacked up. I gasped 
"jesus guys, are you trying to make me gain weight?" which is what I needed but not what I wanted. They all laughed with pizza slices in their hand already. 

          This was nice, I was happy.

 I really hope I'm like this forever, I really hope. But I already know everytime I have something good happen to me...

              It ends. 

exactly 800 words!!!! I did LOTS of foreshadowing because NOBODY WILL EVER BE HAPPY IN THIS FANFIC MWHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA it adds 2 the lore  :P