MY MOON

CHAPTER 44:ALYA

I stood by the window, staring at the night sky.

"Alya, can we talk?" Alex's voice broke through the silence, gentle yet insistent.

I turned slowly to face him. My eyes met his after such a long time, and I could see the concern etched in his features. He had been patient, waiting for me to come out of the shell I had retreated into, but I wasn't ready. Words seemed too difficult, too heavy to form. I remained silent, my gaze drifting back to the window.

He took a few tentative steps closer, his presence filling the room "You've been like this for a whole month now," he said softly. "Not speaking, not eating properly, not even looking at me."

The pain of my father's death had enveloped me in a fog of numbness, and the very act of existing felt like an insurmountable effort. Every time I tried to think or feel, I was overwhelmed by the magnitude of my loss, the weight of my guilt. I know whatever Alex was saying was right, but I didn't know how to reply.

I tried walking away, intending to escape his gaze, but Alex reached out and stopped me by my hand. "Talk to me, Alya," he pleaded. "Let me in."

I looked into his eyes and saw his love for me, the unspoken words of comfort and support he was desperate to offer. But soon his face blurred into the background, memories surged forward with brutal clarity.

"I choose Alex," My father's face flashed before me, the hurt and disappointment etched in his eyes. "This isn't love, Alya. This is madness."

"We couldn't save him." The guilt and despair crashed over me like a tidal wave. My father's death was a direct result of my choices with Alex, my rebellion. I had defied him, hurt him, and now he was gone. The realization was suffocating.

I felt my chest tighten, my breath coming in rapid, shallow gasps. Panic gripped me as if a vice had clamped down on my lungs. I tried to pull away from Alex, but he held my hand firmly.

I couldn't breathe. The air seemed to grow thinner, each breath a struggle against the crushing weight of my grief. I clutched my chest, my heart pounding frantically as if trying to escape the torment inside. My vision blurred, and the room spun around me. I was drowning in sorrow, unable to find my way to the surface. I sank to the floor, my knees giving way as the weight of my grief pressed down on me. Alex knelt beside me, his arms wrapping around me in a gentle embrace.

"Alya, look at me," Alex said, his voice breaking through the chaos in my mind. "Focus on me. You're safe. Just breathe."

"I can't," I whispered, my voice cracking under the strain. "I can't do this. It's too much. I need some air," I gasped, my chest tightening with each ragged breath. "I'm going to the terrace."

Alex's grip tightened slightly, his concern deepening. "Alya, are you okay?"

I shook my head, my need for escape overwhelming. "I just need to get out of here. It's too much for me. I can't breathe."

He hesitated, his eyes searching mine, but then he nodded. "Okay," he said softly, releasing his hold. "I'll come with you."

We made our way to the terrace, the cool night air hitting me like a splash of cold water. I walked to the edge, gripping the railing, my breaths coming in shallow gasps as I tried to steady myself. The city lights blurred through my tears.

After my breathing calmed down. Tears starting flowing.

"I can't believe he's gone," I whispered, my voice breaking. "Just like that. How can life change so quickly? I failed him."

He didn't respond right away, giving me the space to pour out my grief. When he did speak, his voice was low and filled with a quiet strength. "I don't have the answers but you definently didn't fail him, Alya," Alex said softly. "You loved him, and he knew that. This pain, it's not your fault. It's just... part of losing someone we love."