Stained Glass Eyes and Colorful Tears

3

~ five hours before Texas ~

"And where are you traveling to?"

I look at the boarding agent, my eyes big and scared, almost like a deer in headlights. I hadn't thought this part through. Admittedly, I haven't thought most of this plan through at all, I don't even think I brought my phone charger with me. I just threw some clothes and essentials into a bag and took off, leaving behind a note that says virtually nothing, and then I took off. I hadn't even really planned to come to the airport. My original plan was to keep driving until my mind told me that I was far enough and could stop, but then I drove by the airport and I knew I had to come here.

"Um, what plane leaves the soonest?" I ask her, my voice wavering as I talk. I wonder if she can tell that my eyes are swollen from crying. She probably can. Everybody here probably can, actually.

She gives me a questioning look before glancing back down at her computer. She types in something then looks back up at me. By the look on her face, I either look out of my mind crazy or she's wishing she could do the same thing I am right now.

"We have a plane that's going to Finland in an hour that has some seats available still." she tells me. "It's a 13-hour flight with one layover in Munich."

"Too far." I say. "Is there anything still in the States?"

She turns her attention back to her computer and types something else in. "There's a plane for Austin, Texas leaving soon. Flight starts boarding in 45 minutes."

Texas. I've never been there before in my life, but Jaime tells me it's a lot of fun. He says the nightlife is wild and the people are friendly. He's told me stories about being there while in tour, how they would make it a point to stop there and party between travelling nights. He said the food there is good too.

"I'll take it." I tell the boarding agent with as much of a smile as I can bare to muster up.

An hour later I'm sitting on my seat on the plane, waiting for takeoff. It's a three-hour flight over to Texas, which isn't too bad in the grand scheme of things. We're set to land there at 5pm which means I need to find a hotel now, otherwise I'll be sleeping out on the streets tonight. My stomach growls at me suddenly, reminding me that I haven't ate yet today. I guess I'll need to find somewhere to eat once I land too, if I'm even feeling able to do it. My stomach might be hungry, but the thoughts replaying over and over in my mind are starting to make me nauseous. 

I wait until we're at least in air to start looking at my phone again. As I'm scrolling for a hotel to stay in, a text pops up on the top of my screen. It's from Tony.

I'll be home a little later tonight. see you then my love 😊

It's weird to think that when he gets home, I won't be there. Instead, Tony will come home tonight expecting to see me. He'll turn all the lights on in the house and call out my name. When I don't answer he'll go around and search for me in my usual spots, like our living room, the kitchen, our room, but he won't find me. He won't even find me when he goes out to the backyard as a last resort. When he calls Jaime to ask if he's seen me, he'll say no, because I haven't told him I'm leaving either. I told myself I'd call Jaime later once I get settled and explain everything to him then. Tony won't get an answer from my mom either. He won't even get an answer from me. All he'll get is a note telling him I left and nothing else.

I sigh heavily as I tilt my head back, letting it lean against the headrest of my seat. All I can do now is enjoy the ride and wait for my plane to land, bringing me somewhere far from here.

Walking off the plane has to be the hardest parts of it all. As I walk out where all the arrivals are, I see people milling around, waiting for their loved ones. There're families waiting for their kids, friends waiting to pick up their friends, and worst of all, partners waiting for their loved one. A guy beside me starts speedwalking towards a woman, who's running towards him. They envelope one another into a giant hug, and he kisses her hair then holds onto her for dear life. I start to feel tears well up in my eyes, so I force myself to look away.

I make my way past the sea of waiting people and find myself out onto the Texan streets. There's taxis lined up along the sidewalk, waiting to take people who have arrived to whatever they came to Texas for. I hope into one and give the address to the hotel that I'll be staying at for the next week. As soon as the car starts rolling, my phone goes off, a call coming through. 

It's Tony. By now he's probably arrived at home to find me gone, and no one knows where I am. He's probably found the note I left him on his pillow by now and is wondering where the fuck I am. 

I stare at my phone screen as it rings, my eyes locked onto my contact photo for Tony. It's him and I on our wedding day, both of us smiling happily at one another as we show off our wedding rings. I click 'Decline' on the call, take my wedding ring off and drop both the ring and my phone into my bag, out of eyesight.

I look outside the window as the car drives off, and I'm hit with the weirdest realization of all; I'm alone in Texas.