Stained Glass Eyes and Colorful Tears

6

I agreed to see Tony again. After my talk with Jaime I realized that maybe he had some valid points, I do run when things get hard. Even though this time I had every right to leave, it still wasn't necessarily fair to just up and leave the way that I did. So, when I got off the phone with Jaime I called Tony and asked to see him the next day. Unsurprisingly, he agreed right away, telling me he'd meet me wherever I wanted. I chose a restaurant that I've gone to a couple times since I got here, which leads us to where we currently are.

"How long are you planning on staying?" I ask Tony after we place our order with the waitress.

I decided to get the shrimp tacos which I'm very excited for. I haven't had a good shrimp taco, or any really, since I left San Diego. Tony and I always used to go to this place near the beach that sold them and we would eat them while watching the sunset. Sometimes I'd go into the water after and Tony would join me if he was feeling brave. Sitting here with him now that all feels like a lifetime ago.

Tony looks at me blankly. "I didn't really have a gameplan."

"Oh, right."

"I guess I figured I'd stay until we worked things out." he continues. "Or until we at least talked a couple of times to try and work them out."

"You really have no plans of going back until then?"

He shakes his head at me. "I don't even have a return ticket."

"What about work? Or you family?"

"Everyone knows where to find me." he says matter-of-factly. "So, how are you?"

My eyes drop from a regular look to a narrowed look, almost a glare. "How am I? I'm living in Texas away from my husband. How do you think I am?"

Tony sighs and drops his hands onto the table in a defeated manner. "I feel like everything I say is wrong."

For the record, conflict has never been my thing, that much is evident. I'm a runner when things get hard, like relationships or even conversations. So, my first instinct right now is to get up and leave, but I can't. Jaime's words keep playing in my head on a loop, the word 'divorce' sticking out more than anything else. 

I take a deep breath in and try to redirect us. "I'm good. As you know I'm working at a bar again, which I really enjoy. I started working there about a week after I got here. I also have an apartment right above a bakery which is nice. I get to smell the fresh bread when I wake up. Well, on Wednesdays and Saturdays at least, that's their bread days."

"You have an apartment?" he asks me, looking surprised.

"Yeah." I say slowly. "I kind of need to sleep somewhere."

"Yeah, no, of course." he says. "It's just weird to think you have an apartment, you know? I'm used to you being in our house."

"Oh. Yeah." I say. 

"What's your apartment like?" he asks, catching me off-guard. The mention of my apartment kills him but he's trying his best to act normal right now.

"It's nice. Bigger than anything you'd find in San Diego." I say with a small smile. "I have a cute little balcony. I got into gardening the last two or three months, so all my flowers are on my balcony. It looks really pretty."

I can see the pain on Tony's face as I talk about the life I've created for myself here and it kills me. Even though things aren't good between the two of us, it still hurts like hell to see Tony in any kind of pain.

"How're you?" I ask him softly. 

He shrugs at me. "I'm good, I guess. We've been starting to write some new stuff."