Stained Glass Eyes and Colorful Tears

17

Tony stays in Texas for four more days. He told me that he booked the earliest flight out, but we both know that's a lie. There's flights leaving Texas every single day, he definitely made the choice himself to stay a bit longer. The worst part is, although he put effort into leaving later, we hardly saw each other for those four extra days. 

Two days before he was to leave, he came to the bar while I was working and just kind of hung out there all night. He had three drinks total over the five hour time frame he was at the bar for. Mostly all he did was wait for when I had a couple moments to go over and see him and then we'd just talk about random things. Around the end of the night he asked me to drive him to the airport so we could spend one last moment together before he left, and I agreed to it, which brings is to where we are now, sitting in the airport right before the departures section.

"You have everything?" I ask as I gesture at his luggage. "Phone, charger, all clothes?"

"Yep, yep and yep. Not a single thing left behind. Well..."

I ignore the implication that he's leaving me behind and force myself to smile at him. I promised myself I wouldn't cry in the airport, that I would only do it when I was home alone, so nothing Tony says right now can impact me.

"Can we please stay in contact?" Tony asks me suddenly. "I'm not saying you have to call me every day or something but at least text me every now and again to assure me that you're alive."

"Hm, that's fair." I say after a moment of consideration. "Yeah, we can do that."

"And maybe you'll let me come visit again?"

I blink at him in surprise. For some reason it never crossed my mind that Tony might want to come see me again here. In my head, he was going back home and I was staying here until he was done the album, I never considered that we could still see one another again before that.

"If you have the time and want to, yeah, come see me." I say with a genuine smile this time.

"And if you want to come home at any point you're more than welcome to. I'd actually be really happy if you decided to."

Now this I had really never imagined. Going back home just for a visit? I don't know if I would be able to leave San Diego again if I went back there. I don't even know if I could force myself to even go back there in the first place. It would take something big for me to go home.

"It was just an offer, you don't have to." Tony says, apparently having seen me struggle to come up with an answer to what he had just said.

I force a smile. "Right. I'll definitely think about it."

"I know your family would be thrilled to see you again." he says.

I narrow my eyes at him. Using my family as a bargaining chip to get me back to San Diego is a low blow. It's efficient, I'll give him that much, but it's still a low thing of him to do. He seems to realize it too because he mumbles out an apology.

"Text me when you land." I say to him. "Just to let me know that you survived and everything."

"Are you hoping I don't?"

I roll my eyes. "Don't say that. I obviously never want you to get hurt."

"You sure? Because if I die, you get all my stuff."

"All of it?"

He nods solemnly at me. "Everything goes to you. All the money, the house, my cars. It's all yours."

"Well, in that case ...maybe don't be too safe, okay?"

Tony grins at me, his eyes crinkling up at the corners. "You're incorrigible, you know that?"

"Hm, I've been told that once or twice before."

We stand there smiling at one another when suddenly over the speaker overheard announces that Tony's flight is to start boarding now.

Tony sucks in a big breath of air. "I guess that's me."

I knew this part wouldn't be easy, but I never realized how much it would suck until right now. Even if we fought a lot when he was here, I kind of got used to having him around. It felt nice to be with someone I know again, and the fact that it was Tony made it even better. Plus, I liked us being in a place where we weren't constantly surrounded by friends and family. We had time to spend together as just us two, and it did help us reconnect even if it didn't solve all of our problems. So, when all is said and done, it turns out I'm going to really, really miss my husband.

"I'll text you when I land." Tony promises me. 

"Okay, good." I say, my voice wavering.

Tony's face softens as he looks at me, his almost-crying-in-an-airport girlfriend. Without saying a word, we both move towards one another and envelope each other in a tight hug. I take a deep breath to breathe in the smell of him one last time, and then we're pulling apart all too soon.

"I love you." Tony says to me and leans in for a quick kiss that I don't pull away from. "I'll see you soon, okay?"

I nod at him. "I love you too. Have a good flight."

Tony picks up his carry-on bag that was sitting on the ground and swings the strap onto his shoulder. With one last smile, he turns and starts heading to where his gate is. I watch him go, a content smile on my face. Just as I turn to walk away, though, I remember that I had something I wanted to give him before he left.

"Oh, Tony!" I call after him.

He turns around just as I'm closing the space between us. 

"Yeah?"

"I want to give you this." I say as I reach down into my purse and rifle around for it. 

"Something to remember you by?" he jokes as he watches me search my purse.

"Kinda." I say. I feel my fingers hit against it, pull it out and hand it over to him. "I figured you should have it for now."

Tony grabs it from me, albeit he does so in a haze. He stares at it for several long seconds then looks at me, confused. "Why are you giving me this?"

I shrug. "I figured you'd want it. Technically its yours."

"It's not mine and I don't want it." he says then holds it back out for me to take.

I shake my head and push it back towards him. "You bought it, it is yours."

"Alia, this is your wedding ring, it belongs to you."

Again, I shake my head. "It doesn't feel right to have it right now. You bought it, you keep it for now. I'll get it when I come back home."

"You know, by giving me this it's kind of like you're telling me that you're not coming home again. Ever."

"That's not what I'm saying at all. I just think you should have it."

"Please just keep your ring, baby." he pleads with me as he tries to hand it back over to me again. "Please, it's hard enough to leave you, but leaving with your wedding ring makes it so much worse."

The second announcement for Tony's plane sounds overheard, momentarily distracting us from what's going on.

"You better go." I say once the announcement is over.

"I'm not leaving with this." he says as he holds the ring up.

"You are." I say. 

I know that this is a hill Tony will gladly die on. The entire time he's been in Texas, and apparently for the whole time we were apart, Tony has kept his wedding ring on. Every day that I saw him I couldn't help but notice it sitting proudly on his ring finger. To him, the ring is a representation of the relationship we have, so by giving my ring back to him it's like saying I don't want to be with him anymore, even though that's not the case at all. No amount of convincing will lead him to believe that, so I don't even try. 

I pull him in and give him one last kiss and then I promptly turn and walk away. I don't even look back to see if he's still there, I just beeline to my car which I make a fast escape from the parking lot in. I head home, making it back in record time, and then I close the door to my apartment, and I cry.