Stained Glass Eyes and Colorful Tears

19

I was fully convinced that the five pregnancy tests I did were false positives or defective or I was just reading something wrong. I figured there was no way I could be pregnant. Tony and I only had sex one time, one single time, no way we would get pregnant the only time we didn't use protection. 

For that reason, I went to see the doctor to confirm whether or not I was actually pregnant. They had me lay back on the table where they spread that cold, cold jelly over my tummy and then they put the weird probe on my stomach. It only took all of two seconds to hear a heartbeat. I had whipped my head around to the screen so quickly, needing to see the proof myself, and there it was. A baby. My baby.

The tech told me I was only about six weeks at most, which syncs up perfectly with the time Tony and I had sex. She also told me that I had other options if I wanted to pursue those. The whole thing made me feel excited and nervous and like throwing up. I left the clinic that day feeling like I was a completely different person.

I wrestled with the idea of telling Tony. I didn't want to call him and tell him something like that, but I also don't know when I would even see him next. I decided to do the next best thing and call my brother, and maybe I would find a way to build up my courage and tell him instead, so that he could help me come up with an idea of how to tell Tony.

Jaime, as always, answers quick. On the second ring he picks up the phone.

"Hey!" Jaime says excitedly. "How're things?"

It's been two weeks since I've spoken to Jaime, or anyone really. Ever since finding out I was pregnant I needed some time alone to think of what to do. Tony and I had always planned to have children, but we said we would do it after five years of marriage so that we could have some time to ourselves before becoming parents. The plan was never to be in separate states with our marriage hanging in the balance. 

"Things are ...good." I say hesitantly, not finding the courage I need to tell him. "How're you?"

"You sound weird." Jaime says. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, all is good." I say quickly. "Is everything okay with you?"

"Yep, I'm good. Nothing exciting here. Oh, except for having to convince Tony you're not leaving him."

I groan into the phone and let myself fall back into my bed. The whole baby thing is now out of my head, but I vow to myself that I'll tell him soon.

"Because of the ring?" I ask, knowing its that.

"No shit because of the ring." Jaime replies dryly. "Why the fuck did you give your wedding ring back to your husband? And especially when he was about to get onto a plane to leave the place that you left him for."

"Because it's his! He bought it, it didn't feel right to keep with me."

"It's not his, it's yours, and you should've kept it with you. No one's saying you had to wear it and boast about it, but giving it back was a shitty move."

"Oh, shittier than-"

"No." Jaime says sternly, cutting me off. "You can't keep doing this, Alia. Tony fucked up, we all know it, especially him, but believe him when he says he will never, ever do it again."

"You don't know that."

"I do. When he got back home to San Diego, he came to see me and told me he was going to break the contract with Anna. He said he was going to pay the full fine just to break it instead of waiting out the next five months for it to be done."

"Okay? So?"

"Do you know how much of a fine that is?"

"I don't know, a couple thousand?"

Jaime gives a short laugh on the other side of the phone. "It's more than that. He has to break it for us and the label, it would cost more money than any of us have on hand."

"So, why would he say he's going to break it then if he doesn't even have the money to break it?"

"Because that's how much you mean to him. He was willing to go and get the money by any means possible to break it so he could prove to you how much he loves you."

I don't know if it's the fact that I've been alone for two weeks now, or the words Jaime is saying to me, or the crazy hormones, but for whatever reason, I start sobbing. There's no warning of it either, I just launch into full on sobs.

"Whoa, whoa, hey, no." Jaime says quickly. "No, no, no, don't cry. I wasn't trying to make you feel bad."

"No, I know." I say between sobs. "It just sucks. It all sucks."

"I know it does, and I wish I could make it better, but please don't cry." Jaime pleads softly with me. 

"I've just been having a really tough couple of weeks." I say. "And I miss everyone."

"Then come home."

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"You know why."

I can picture Jaime rolling his eyes on the other side of the phone at my immaturity. "Come home and stay with me. For however long you want."

I perk up at the thought of this. The entire time I was in Texas it was because I needed to be somewhere where Tony wasn't. I needed to have my own life that's not tied to him, and I needed time to think and be alone. But now I have more than just one life with me, and I'm tied to Tony forever like it or not, so why not go home and be with Jaime? At least then I'm still in the same vicinity as Tony but I have distance.

Plus, even if no one knows it yet, I still would like to be around my family and friends for my very first ever pregnancy. I want my mom there to tell me old wives tales on how to tell what gender your baby will be or if it's healthy. I want Jaime to be there to constantly boast to people that he's going to be an uncle, all while beaming at me. And most of all, I want Tony holding my hand every step of the way. I want to be around my people and my home, instead of in some random town in Texas.

"Okay." I say into the phone after careful consideration. "I'll come home."