Stained Glass Eyes and Colorful Tears

18

It's officially been twelve days since Tony left Texas to go back to our home in San Diego. The first couple of days were the hardest. Whether I'd like to admit it or not, I kind of got used to having him around. I got used to him coming into my work almost every day, and I got used to being able to go eat or go for a walk around with him. Being with Tony made even the most mundane tasks fun, and now I find myself missing him more than I thought I would.

Even now at work I find myself thinking of him. I keep glancing over at his spot he would sit in as if he'll somehow appear there if I look enough times. But he never does. 

Instead of seeing Tony walk into the bar, I see another familiar face that I haven't seen in a while. Duke. I don't think I've seen him since we had our failed attempt at a date. He's told me before that he sometimes leaves towns for a couple weeks at a time, however I can't recall the reason and I don't really care, it's just nice to see him now.

I put on my best fake smile and my flirtiest tone.

"Haven't seen you in a while." I say.

Duke smiles back at me. "You been missin' me?"

"I have. Where've you been?"

"Oh, you know, here and there. Had to head out to Waco for some things."

"And what things would those be?"

"Miss Alia, if I'm not mistaken, I'd say you're flirting with me." he teases with a grin on his face.

"Well, you are the best-looking man that comes in here." I reply.

"Is that so?"

I nod at him. "It is."

"I remember seeing another fella come in here a while back, one you seemed to like a lot more than me."

I cock an eyebrow at him. "Oh?"

"That husband of yours." Duke says. "He around much lately?"

"Oh." I say, visibly less enthusiastic. "He, um, actually went back home a couple days ago."

"How come? I thought you two were working it out."

I shrug at Duke. "Sometimes it's not that easy to work them out. Sometimes life gets in the way, right?"

"Sometimes." he replies. "But sometimes you need to make your way through it anyway."

"I tried. Wasn't that easy."

"It's never easy, you just need to try harder." he says.

It's weird seeing Duke get so serious. In all the time I've known him, he's always just been a tanned, good lucking, smooth talking cowboy. He doesn't seem to take many things serious in life and is always down for a good time. He comes in, drinks a responsible amount, flirts with women, dances with them, but always goes home alone. He's told me that the only thing he needs right now is family and that when he's ready, the rest will find him. 

"Can I offer you some advice?" he asks me.

I nod at him. "Always."

He takes his hat off and places it on his lap. Now I know this is serious. I still can't help but look at that nice sandy blonde hair of his, though.

"I had a lady once. I was crazy about her. We were high school sweethearts. We took a little time off from one another while she went to college and I worked on the farm, taking it over. But after college she came home and I was still there waiting for her."

"Sounds like a lucky girl." I say.

He smiles softly. "I was the lucky one. Beautiful, beautiful girl. She still is."

I can tell that this story has an unhappy ending to it. Duke's face is shadowed with past regrets that he's still holding onto.

"Where is she tonight?" I ask him.

"She's at home. Her home, with her husband." he says with a sigh. "Even though she meant the world to me, I never showed it in the way she asked and believe me, she asked. She told me exactly how she wanted to be loved. Spelled it all out for me. But I was a young fool, I didn't listen to her. I went out, smokin', drinkin', doing all the things I knew I shouldn't. One day I came home and that was it, she was gone."

"I'm sorry, Duke." I say earnestly. I can understand losing someone you've always thought was going to be your one true person.

Duke shakes his head at me. "Don't be sorry, it was all me. I had the chance to control my own actions, and I didn't do it. I put myself and stupid things above her, and for that I lost her. So, when I tell you to fight for your husband, I mean it."

"I know, but-"

"No but's." he says. "You love him?"

"Yes-"

"You want to make the marriage work?"

I take a big breath in. "It's not that simple-"

"It is. Do you want it to work?"

"Of course, b-"

"There you go." Duke says. "You have your answers right there in front of you. Now, I like seeing you here, Alia, you bring a life to this old bar, but you don't belong here. You're not a Texan girl and you're never going to be. Go home to your husband."

"Just like that?"

He nods solemnly at me then he puts his hat back on, thus closing the lesson. "Just like that. I'm not saying it'll be easy, but it'll be a start."

I want to spill my guts to Duke, to tell him everything that's happened between Tony and I, but I know that it wont change his advice. He'll just tell me what everyone else has, that I need to forgive Tony and move forward instead of staying stuck in the past. So, instead I thank Duke for sharing his story with me and give him a drink on the house which he gladly accepts.

Down at the other side of the bar near the stool Tony usually sat in is a girl trying to flag me down for a drink.

"Hey, um, this is a little awkward." the girl says as I get over to her. She leans over onto the bar so that she's closer to me and drops her voice to a whisper. "Do you have a tampon or anything on you? The dispenser in the bathroom is out."

"Oh, yeah, of course." I say. "Wait here, I'll go grab one from my bag."

I head into the back where everyone keeps their stuff during their shifts. Right now it's only myself and two kitchen members, so my bag isn't buried underneath twenty others like it usually is during a weekday shift.

I rummage through my bag and produce a tampon, one of the only two I have in my bag. I haven't had to stock up on them in a bit, maybe more than a month now. ...Which is actually very weird because it's felt like I haven't had my period in a minute or two now. I actually can't remember the last time I had my period at all. I shove the tampon in my back pocket and take my phone out. Quickly, I open up my app that tracks my period and scroll up to my last period. 

Shit.

I had my last period six weeks ago. 

Shit.

Is that even right? Six weeks? I fucking hope not. I'm never late. In high school, all my friends would say that our cycles were syncing up due to our closeness, but mine never synced up to theirs, they always synced up to mine. I've been consistent with mine since the very first time I ever got it. So, if I'm always consistent and now I'm super late, that would mean... 

No, no, no, no, no.

No way. 

No fucking way.

Okay, yes, Tony and I had sex, but we used protection, right? ...Right? Taking a second to think of it, I realize that I don't remember using any. I sure as fuck didn't have a single condom at my place and there's no way Tony would've just brought one, so that means we didn't use one, and my delayed period isn't just me miscounting.

First thing tomorrow I'm going to the pharmacy and I'm buying them out of pregnancy tests.