Stained Glass Eyes and Colorful Tears

28

Today is the big day.

I'm officially moving out of Jaime's and moving back home with Tony. 

When I told Jaime last week that I'd be moving out, I thought he would maybe be a little sad to see me go, but much to my surprise he launched right into a celebration. I still don't know if he was happier about me being out of his house and getting his spare room and privacy back, or if he was happy that Tony and I were back to being together. 

All I know is that no one is happier than Tony is about it. He showed up at Jaime's today earlier than I wake up, already ready with bags for me to put my clothes in, which is currently what we're doing. Or, at least, I am. Tony is sat on the bed watching me and commenting on the clothes I have, telling me that he's so excited to see me in this shirt or that dress.

"So, I know this is an awkward conversation and an awkward time to bring it up, but Anna's gone." Tony says to me.

"I know." I say. I grab a sweater from the closet that I'm not entirely sure is mine, but I like it so I throw it in my bag.

"You know? How did you know?"

"I saw her the other day."

"You saw her? When?!" Tony asks. His entire face is filled with a mix of dread or fear, I'm not entirely sure which it is.

"At the pharmacy a while ago. I was there for some prenatal vitamins and some other stuff, and she came up to me to chit chat."

"Was she ...was she nice to you?"

I turn and give him a confused look. "Should she not have been?"

"No, I was just worried after everything that she said some things she shouldn't have or something." he rambles on. 

"Oh." I say and turn back to the closet to grab more clothes. "Well, she did say some things she shouldn't have."

"Like what?"

"Are you nervous she told me something you didn't want me to know?" I ask, a teasing note in my voice, but we both know that I'm asking it as a legitimate question. 

"No." Tony says right away. "I want to make sure she didn't say anything to upset you."

I sigh into the closet, then turn and flop onto the bed right beside him.

"She said a lot that upset me." I tell Tony. "She told me a lot of things. I knew most of it already, obviously, but it still upset me to hear it. And then I left the pharmacy and she followed me out, which pissed me off even more since she had been saying so much shit in the store."

"Alia, I'm so sorry." Tony says. 

"No, it's fine, honestly. She told me why she did everything she did, and it kind of made sense. I'm not saying she was right to do it because she obviously wasn't, but it made me understand why she did better."

He nods solemnly at me. "The whole Tyler thing?"

"Yeah! How fucked is that? I knew he was shitty, but man, to bring someone to that point emotionally? You have to be real fucked up to do that."

"And it's weird because when I first met them I never would've thought that he'd be like that. He always seemed so into her."

"Right? I was shocked when she was telling me everything he did and said to her." I say. "I'm kind of glad she told me, not just so I could understand her more, but it also made me appreciate you more because I know you would never be like he was."

 "Let's not pretend like I've been perfect." Tony says.

Whenever we talk about Anna or Texas or this year in general, the same look comes over Tony's face. Pure shame. He can't even meet my eyes whenever we talk about what happened, and that alone tells me that he truly and deeply regrets his actions. I can see it all over his face that he hates what he did to me and to us. There's no undoing his actions, but the fact that he does regret them makes me feel like we've got this, we're able to move forward together and not let this ruin us.

"You're not perfect." I agree. "But you try your best and that's all that counts."

"You're too good to me, you know that, right?" he asks, a softness now on his face.

"I know."

I grin at him before I jump off the bed and get back to packing. I've managed to clear almost the entire closet already, taking my clothes and some choice pieces from Jaime's wardrobe. In my defense, if Jaime didn't want me to take his clothes then he should've taken them out of this closet when I moved in, but he didn't so these clothes are now unofficially officially mine.

"Is there anything heavy you need me to pack up for you?" Tony asks me.

"No, I don't have anything heavy, just clothes which I can carry."

"Um, no you can't." 

"Why not?"

"Did you forget about a certain something?" 

I roll my eyes into the closet. "I'm pregnant, not disabled."

"You're still not lifting anything." Tony says.

I don't respond to him; I just silently make a mental note to carry out at least one bag by myself. 

An hour later everything is all packed into Tony's car. In total I managed to get four bags of clothes. Most of them were the clothes I bought in Texas, maybe about one bag was clothes I had taken from Tony and I's place when I had first come back.

Just as the last bag goes into the car, Jaime comes outside to see us off.

"I'll be in the car." Tony says to me. He turns to Jaime and does that bro handshake hug combo that men do, then heads into the car to wait for me.

"So, this is it." Jaime says.

"Yep, you officially get your room back today." I say.

Jaime smiles at me in an attempt to seem like he's fine, but I see the sadness on his face. We hadn't spent this much time together since we were kids, since before I fucked our relationship up the first time. 

"Come here." Jaime says, holding his arms open for a hug, which I gladly accept. "You can always come back if you need to." 

I smile at this. "I know."

"And if you need anything at all you know I'm always here for you."

"I know." I repeat. "Thank you, Jaime. You've been the best brother ever." 

"It's kind of my job." he says. He pulls out of the hug and smiles down at me. "But you make it easy."

I laugh at this. "No, I don't."

"You really don't." he agrees with a laugh. "Now go home with your husband."

I take one last look at Jaime and his place then I turn and get into the car with my husband.

"Ready to go home?" Tony asks me.

Part of me wants to run back into Jaime's place and unpack my bags. I want to stay here with my brother, the one person I know who will try and protect me no matter what. I want to hide in this safe haven where I've never had to question where I stand.

But that's not healthy, that's hiding. I know that I belong back home with Tony. I know that he will do everything in his power to make sure I feel secure and loved in our relationship. I know that I'm meant to be with him forever.

"Ready."