a sunshine boy meets a broken girl
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"ugh I hate packing "
"I'll help " I shrug .
"no , I'll do it on my own " she says checking the clothes on the hanger
"but you hate packing "
"I hate breathing too , I do that just fine "...
(A/n: if you are not comfortable with eating disorders or panic attacks then please skip this chapter . And get your tissues peeps . )
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Another week gone in the blink of an eye. Three months left for the Paris Fashion Show, and I'm weaker than ever. I've lost over 20 pounds this month. It's exhausting. But this has to stop. I'm going to eat today. I have to. I find the list the doctor gave me, and the only thing I feel like eating is fruits. I asked Abuela if she could make me a bowl of fruit, and the happiness on her face was unbelievable. She literally rushed to the kitchen.
So here I am, on my bed, with a fork in my shaky hands and a bowl of fruit in front of me. I feel the pendant on my neck, an unusual habit. I take a bite of an apple first. My stomach twists with familiar unease as I bring the fork closer and closer until I close my eyes and shove it in my mouth. The first bite feels like a blade sliding down my throat.
My inner self is begging me to stop, but I don't listen. I can't listen. I swallow harshly and immediately shove another piece of apple in. My vision starts blurring. Closing my eyes I see their sympathetic glances .
Another piece.
I visualize their faces turning to horror, seeing my face.
another piece.
I feel tears falling from my eyes, but I don't stop.I harshly shove pieces of fruit down.
I'm worried for you now.
And another.
Ivy, you look really pale.
And another.
I can feel the bile rising in my throat, but I don't care at this point. I shove fruit down my throat until I can no longer feel a single piece in the bowl. I open my eyes and see the empty bowl. I'm full-on sobbing at this point.
Suddenly, I feel all the contents rising in my stomach. No, I can do it. I just have to drink some water to not puke. I harshly gulp the water from my nightstand, but the urge gets stronger. Everything starts blurring when I feel all the contents in my mouth. I can't take it anymore. I push the bowl away, stumbling to get out of bed , my leg stuck in the comforter. I fall to the ground, and I feel the bowl fall in front of me. Blur. Red. Everything is blur, and my hands are blurry red. I can neither see nor breathe anymore. A weird static noise rings in my ears.
"No, no, please, I can't do this anymore," I whisper through broken sobs, crawling to the bathroom. I try to find my surroundings by hand and feel the toilet. My fingers grip the edge of the seat as I lean over, my body convulsing. I throw up. I throw up until I feel every bite of those fruits leave my stomach. I throw up until I can't anymore.
With a shivery body and teary eyes, I try to stand up, stumbling out of the bathroom. I can't do this anymore. I'm not worth it. I'm a burden. My lungs give up. I try to take support from any nearby wall when I hear objects clatter. I fall to the ground, and something falls on me. I can't even try to comprehend. I feel the room closing in on me, suffocating me. My head falls to the ground on something. My vision darkens, and I let it. I let the darkness consume me. I wait patiently for it to take me when I hear a loud bang.
