Kill My Mind || DOLLHOUSE Spin-off

36. Grayson

I was in the gym sweating up a storm. I just couldn't fucking believe it. I know Ale's going through a hard time but for this Nick guy to show up and see he has a boyfriend and continue to act all touchy with him I'm so angry. I continued to hit the punching bag. Since I left I texted Ale to let him know he can call me if he needs me and he just liked the message. I had called Enzo who already knew because of Bella. He said Bella was sobbing. I guess her and Nick were also close.

I guess I'm just a replacement Nick to the DeLucas because when Bella stopped crying Enzo said she got excited and started to plan all their hang outs and it just sounded like all the stuff Bella and I do.

As I thought about it more my punches on the bag got harder and harder until it eventually popped causing sand to quickly spill out. I looked at my hand which was bleeding through the wraps. "Fuck!" I shouted throughout the empty gym in my house. It didn't hurt but I just needed to scream. I quickly took the wraps off throwing them to the floor and shoving the punching bag to the floor with it. I held my face in my bleeding hands attempting to catch my breath "Fuck fuck fuck" I whispered this time.

After a moment of pure anger ran through me I lifted my head and took a deep breath. I knew what I needed and it was Ale but I didn't think I could speak to him right now. If Nick was brought up I'd panic. The only other person who could bring me comfort was my mom so I decided it was time to see her again.

...

After the gym I had showered and changed into a nicer outfit. I ran and got flowers before I drove to her grave.

"Mom...I know I always say it's stupid when I come here and talk to you because you're...well dead but if that spirit shit is real I need you to talk to me." I took a deep breath. I was sitting with my knees near my chest next to her grave. "Ale...the boy I told you about last time I was here well we kind of ran into some trouble." I shook my head "Not trouble...I-i don't know what it is. It's just that things have been going really well for the past 3 months and now all of a sudden some guy shows up and we get into a fight."

More silence "I know that sounds stupid the situation's hard to explain but I'm just worried about this other guy. The whole situation seems off to me and nothing even happened. Am I overreacting?" nothing "I just don't want to fuck this up mom." I put my head down "God what do I do?"

I sat in silence for a few minutes until I heard someone clear their throat. I looked up to see Ale with two bouquets "Hi." he said softly

"Hi." I said back

"I-i don't want to ruin your time here a-and i'm so sorry for showing up Sam said you'd be here. If you want me to go I absolutely will. I'm realizing now how rude it is to just show up at your moms grave. Oh God I-I should g-"

"Stay." he looked down at me unsure "Please. Stay with me." he nodded and walked closer

"I got these for your mom." he placed the large bouquet of roses on her grave "And these are for you." he handed me the smaller bouquet of daisies "I didn't think you liked flowers so I tried not to get you something so showy."

I smiled and chuckled. He was right. I think flowers are stupid but flowers from him I liked. "Thank you Ale." He sat next to me and slowly put his hand on mine. I laced our fingers and squeezed tightly.

"I'm so sorry I yelled at you. I'm sorry I kicked you out. I was just so...in shock and my head was fucking spinning. I really needed you last night and I pushed you away."

My head poked up when he said he needed me and I began to fill with worry "Are you okay?" he shook his head no "What happened when I left?"

"I-" he took a deep breath and looked away sheepishly "I had a panic attack. Matteo came home and found me dripping in sweat on the floor." my heart stopped for a moment and I squeezed his hand harder "I didn't sleep either. I was just a mess. I am a mess. All I've thought about is you and how sorry I am."

"Don't be sorry Ale. I didn't take any time to actually process what was happening and I only thought about myself and my worries. I'm sorry for how I treated you...and Nick."

"It's okay. I would have also been nervous and upset." he sat in silence for a few more minutes "I think you should know I spoke to him this morning. We're going to get dinner tomorrow." I gulped

"Okay." Ale's thumb started to rub the back of my hand soothing me

"I need you to be okay with the fact that he's going to be in my life again. I-i won't budge on that. He is a large part of who I am and I can't throw that away. But I promise you Gray he is just a friend. I assured him of that. You are who makes me happy. It's not 7 years in the past. I'm not in love with him anymore."

"You were able to get rid of those feelings so quickly? You loved him when you thought he was dead."

He sucked in a deep breath "I-it's not the same. It doesn't matter to me anyway he's not the person who I see my future with anymore. It's you." I smiled. I didn't know he felt that way. "Please accept the fact that he's going to be my friend though...or we can't resolve this fight right now."

I smiled at him "Okay. I accept him being in your life. I want you to be happy." Ale leaned in and kissed me gently

"Thank you, love." I leaned my forehead against his

"Of course, baby." he moved away from me and looked at my moms grave

"I'm sorry I've never visited here before."

I shrugged, "Not many people have."

"If it's okay with you I'd like to come and put flowers on her grave more often."

"Fuck Ale." I pulled him closer to me and kissed him again "How did I get so fucking lucky."

"I'll take that as a go ahead." I chuckled and nodded "I'll um- i let you have your time here. I need to get to the office anyway." I smiled at him as he stood up "I'm really grateful you're so understanding" I kissed his hand which was in front of me and smiled at him as he walked away.

"Honestly mom, that was a perfect way to communicate with me. Thank you."