Kill My Mind || DOLLHOUSE Spin-off

41.Alejandro

I didn't go home last night. I spent the night in my office breaking shit. I had gotten into my car after Gray walked away and I started my engine but I couldn't for the life of me move. I called Matteo and told him I was spending the night at Grays. I wasn't ready to tell him and I didn't want him to worry when I didn't show up at home. 

Around 10 am there was a knock on my office door "No." I yelled as I sipped on my whiskey. I was on my second glass today and I woke up at 9:30. The knock came again "Are you fucking deaf. I'm busy."

This time it was a voice "Ale are you okay? Your assistant let me knock" It was Nicks voice. I forgot I had told my assistant he was also allowed to my office. I rolled my eyes. Of course Gray thought we were sneaking around the only other people with access to my office was him and my siblings. "Ale?" the voice said again pulling me out of my thoughts 

"Come in Nick." he opened the door. His eyes widen as he saw the mess that was my office 

"What the hell happened?" he walked over the broken glass and thrown books. "Holy shit."

"Gray and I broke up." he paused as he walked and looked up at me

"Really?" I nodded "Are you okay." I shrugged "Do you want to talk about it?" I shrugged again. I did but I'd just freak out and I didn't want to freak out on him. 

"He-he um broke up with me."

"What why? You're like the prefect boyfriend." I chuckled 

"Maybe I was to you. I should have treated him better." Nick put his hand on my shoulder and I took a deep breath "He left me because of you." I said as I looked at his hand. I couldn't make eye contact. 

"Why?"

"He thinks we're in love."

"But we didn't do anything. We didn-"

"Doesn't matter he knows in the back of my head when I looked at you I see the old us."

"You do?" I rolled my eyes and sat in the only chair that wasn't broken. I looked down at the ground but before long I felt Nicks fingers on my jaw "Is that why you won't look at me? You don't want to see the old us?"

"I-I feel guilty."

"Bu you still love me" I couldn't answer. I was so awful. I love Gray so much I shouldn't feel how I feel about Nick. I honestly love Gray more than Nick but in my head I'm still the happy-go-lucky kid I was with Nick. He lifted my jaw so I was looking at him "You know I still love you too right?"

"You do?"

"I didn't come back just to see what you were up to Ale. I wanted to see you and jump into your arms and kiss you. Obviously when I saw you were with Gray I didn't. Ale I have never stopped loving you. I've spent the last few years of my life waiting for the day I could have you again."

"But what If Gray had never broken up with me."

He shook his head "I would have waited" my stomach felt like a pit "This is a good thing Ale we can be together."

"N-no. I'm not ready. I still love Gray it's still a fresh wound."

"So what you're saying is when you're ready again you'll want me."

What I wanted was Gray. More than anything in the world I wanted Gray. "Nick. I-" before I could tell him I didn't think so he leaned down and kissed me. It was a soft kiss and short but it was just enough time for my fingers to reach into his hair before I had enough strength to pull away. 

My stomach was doing flips at the same time I wanted to cry. I felt like I was officially cheating but I wasn't. But God kissing Nick just felt like second nature. "If you don't want me now I will wait but we both know Gray isn't in it how you are. He doesn't want with you what I want with you. I love you and I know you love me." Then he left my office. 

He was right. I loved him but I hated myself.