Kill My Mind || DOLLHOUSE Spin-off

57. Alejandro

Gray had agreed to do the meeting at my house because I didn't have time to drive all the way to his office in between my meetings. I was nervous. He hasn't been back in months.

I kept pacing the living room like a damn idiot, straightening things that didn't need fixing, adjusting the pillows, checking the time every three minutes like it would make him arrive faster—or maybe delay it forever. I couldn't decide what I wanted more.

It wasn't just about the meeting. Not really. I'd gone over the numbers twice, prepped all the talking points even printed out copies like some eager assistant. But none of that mattered. What mattered was that Gray would be walking through my door again. Our door. And I didn't know what that would do to me.

When I finally heard the knock on my door I froze. After a momentary pause, I took a deep breath and went quickly to open it. On the other side was Gray in almost casual clothing. He still had on slacks and a button up but compared to the typical suit he wore to other meetings this was casual. This was comfortable, he felt comfortable. He didn't know it but that alone set my heart on fire. Knowing he no longer felt like he had to play big bad businessman with me.  

He looked the same and completely different. Still Gray—sharp jaw, eyes that missed nothing—but there was something heavier about him. His shoulders carried it. His eyes. Like he hadn't slept right in weeks.

"Hey," I said, quietly, like I didn't want to scare him off.

He didn't say anything right away, just walked past me like it was muscle memory. Like he belonged here. And he did, even if he hated that fact.

Without a word, he went straight to the kitchen. I follow behind him immediately "Let's go over this quickly I have some meetings soon." he stopped in front of the fridge and grabbed a beer "Want one?" he asked softly 

"Y-yeah sure" I couldn't hide the shock in my voice. I watched intently as he walked towards the bottle opener and suddnely I was smiling just because he remebers where it is. He finally looked up at me and paused 

"What?" he said seriously as he handed me the beer and then sat on the kitchen counter across from me. I chuckled at the gesture knowing the table was only a few feet away but he was always comfortable sitting on the counter "Seriously Ale what?"

"You've just made yourself very at home. Not that I mind" he cleared his throat and hopped over the counter, making his way to the table 

"I'm sorry," he said as he watched me grab the papers and make my way to the seat next to him. I watched as his leg twitched while mine got closer. I wasn't sure if he wanted to pull away or tap his leg to mine.

I shook my head "Don't be. Ever" he broke eye contact with me and cleared his throat again 

Then, barely above a murmur, he said, "Didn't know I had to ask permission to feel comfortable somewhere I used to live."

The words weren't loud. They weren't even angry. But they landed like a slap across the face.

I stopped watching his movements and finally looked at him—really looked at him.

His face was pale, eyes shadowed and dull around the edges like he hadn't slept in days. His shirt hung just slightly too loose. And now that I was close, I could see the faint tremble in his fingers as he gripped the neck of the bottle.

"Gray," I said, cautiously. "Are you okay?" He didn't look at me. Just took a sip of the beer and shrugged one shoulder, like the question didn't matter. "Gray-" 

"Don't start" he said defensively but then when he looked up and saw the worry in my eyes he backed down "Please" he said softly, like another apology for how he was behaving today. I nodded and backed off.  

...

As the meeting was coming to an end I just couldn't help but think about how much hurt was in Grays features. My mind wandered a lot to his dad. I wondered if he broke down like this when his dad hurt him. 

I felt awful beyond words. "Do you want anything to eat?" I blurted out quickly. I didn't want him to leave just yet and honestly, I felt like it was my duty to take care of him."Or water or something?" I added quickly so as to not make it obvious I was worried about him. 

"Another beer would be good" I smiled and nodded but inside my heart sank because Gray never turned down food. 

As Gray kept his focus on the last of the papers I grabbed a beer, and water, and sloppily put together a sandwich. I walked back to the table with the three items in hand and placed the plate along with the drinks in front of him. 

His eye narrowed then he looked up at me with a confused expression "What's this for?"

I took a deep breath and sat down "I-i" I thought carefully about my next words. I didn't want to offend him "I know you don't think anyone sees you or knows what you're going through in that head of yours...but I do. I see you, Gray. I always have" he didn't answer but I saw his Adam's apple bob "And I know I'm the reason you're hurting. I know I broke something in you. so I don't expect anything from you. But I still want to be here. Even if all I can do is make you a shitty sandwich."

When he noticed I was done he took in a sharp breath, smiled faintly, and took a bite of the sandwich "You could've at least made something good" he joked and we both chuckled a genuine chuckle. I smiled at him and watched as he ate more. 

It wasn't forgiveness, but it was another step