Color Blind

Void

July 4th
Lindsey's POV
SF

I picked up my phone from the cupholder and went to call Tommy, letting them know that I was outside and parked across the street. Liam was in the backseat asleep, worn out from the parade that he begged me to go to.

Needless to say he had the time of his life while breaking my wallet in half. I didn't have many bills left, only about 75$, considering I've been buying him fireworks, popsicles, drinks, food, everything he asked for basically.

He ran me ragged much as he did himself, and I'm honestly exhausted. Mentally and physically. But it's like my body won't rest, I have so much to do that I just can't allow myself to rest knowing there's something that needs to be done.

But this is last on my list, it's 11PM on the 4th of July and I'm picking up my niece and nephews from a house party. Nothing else on the agenda, no side plans or anything more to do. Rest comes soon.

Something I keep telling myself.

After a few minutes of sitting, I glanced towards the door to see the three of them heading out, dressed like the corny teens they were in their modern day "drip" that's what Liam calls it. Tommy and Max had smeared face paint of what I'm guessing was the American flag but faded due to them sweating and partying.

Jordan was in her phone, not paying attention to anything. But she had a red, white, and blue beaded necklace on. A white crop top, some blue jean shorts and a pair of white Nikes. They reached the car in no time, beating on the hood when they saw me.

I frown slightly and motion for them to knock it off while hitting the unlock button, Tommy climbing into the front while Jordan and Max got in the back with Liam who was now wide awake.

Christ.

"Yo, aunt linds. How was your 4th of July?" Max tapped my shoulder, leaning forward to drunkenly engage in a conversation with me. "Sit back and put on your seatbelt."

"There's no room for that, you need an SUV, man." He told me while tapping my shoulder once again before sitting back in his seat, Tommy humming in agreement while sipping whatever was in his cup.

"Aunt linds, can you please do me a huge favor?" Jordan asked while I started the car, Tommy instantly changing the music I had playing. "Aunt linds, you gotta hear this song. It's so fire."

"What is it, Jordan?" I ask her while pulling off the curbside, paying attention to them all at once. "Can you pick up Cameron.. and can she spend the night with me.. at your place?"

"Oh yeah, can we get some sliders too? I'm starved." Max threw in, Liam chipping in agreement. "There are no fast food places open, and why does Cameron have to spend the night? Can't you just see her for a few minutes?" I ask my niece while glancing at her in the rear view mirror, she sighed before slightly rolling her eyes.

"Well I mean, yeah. But I haven't seen her in so long, and you know how my mom is, aunt linds. Please." She begged me while poking out her lip, I sighed and attempted to give it some thought but that was interrupted when a song started to play.

Tommy instantly turned up the radio while Max seemed to have a spiritual awakening, leaning forward so him and Tommy could quite literally yell the lyrics to each other while occasionally patting each others shoulder.

I glanced down at the radio to see Hotel Lobby by Unc' & Phew. But it just sounded like the Migos, without the other guy.

The bass was booming and sorta hypnotizing, which I could see why their drunken selves would like it. But all it did was make my brain hurt, so I turned it down a bit while stopping at a red light. "Max, sit back."

"Come on, aunt linds. What's anyone gonna do.. what do the cops say?" He questioned drunkenly while murmuring incoherently. "I AM THE LAW!" He suddenly came up with, Tommy bursting into laughter in agreement. "I AM THE LAW!" He joined in, yelling out the window.

I sighed and paused the song, only for them to start booing me. Even Liam joined in, something he always did when the older kids did so. "You're being lame, aunt linds."

"And you're being stupid, let your windows back up." I frowned while doing so myself just because, and then I locked them. "What's the matter, have some fun. Don't start acting like everyone else, aunt linds."

"Yeah, you're supposed to be the fun one." Max chipped in, Liam saying yeah in agreement. Mind you, he is 6 years old. He's barely even been conscious long, but is already booing me and calling me lame.

I sigh while resting my head against the window, pulling off once the light turned green. "Alright fine, we'll chill. Can we get food though?"

"Sure." I mumble while taking a left turn, Tommy turning the radio back on but he turned it down. "Aunt Linds, is that a yes or no?"

"Yeah, Jordie." I mumble again while turning on the air, focusing on the road.

After finally getting home, I closed myself off in my room and instantly sprawled out across my bed. I wanted to yell, scream, shout. Rip out my hair. Jump out of the window. Something. Anything.

I'm feeling so many emotions but none at the same time, and it's so overwhelming. I can't catch a break at all, every time I look around there's something else.

I rolled over and crawled out of bed before grunting when I dropped to the floor, rolling over once again so I could glance up at the ceiling. And that's when I got to wondering about what the hell I was doing with my life, and why am I not happy with anything. When I should be.

What am I doing wrong? Starting from every point i still can't figure out what i did to anyone to be treated like gum on the sidewalk. And I'm tired of running myself ragged attempting to figure out what's wrong with me when its clearly external factors that're causing me so much stress.

But no matter what, I can't ever find it in myself to be an asshole back to them just as much as they are to me. I can never be nasty to anyone and turn around and need them in the next minute. People and their egos and attitudes making them feel like they're superior than the next, or they can treat anyone anyway no matter the relation or situation.

It's all just so exhausting. I'm on the verge of picking up and running far away from here. Maybe back to Italy or Spain, because clearly I don't belong in this place. Nobody wants me here, and the last person I even considered staying here for resents me for something I can't control.

Can't even believe I started to think that things would've been different. It's how love goes every time. I can't help it all, no matter what I do. She's always gonna leave. It's like I'm meant to be alone.

Maybe that's what's best for me. Maybe that's what I'm destined for, instead of trying to be business and family oriented. Instead of trying to find love. Instead of trying to keep up any relationships with anyone, maybe I should be running away. Starting something new for a change.

I picked myself up off the floor and headed towards my bathroom to wash off my day and hopefully this'll clear my head and make it easier for me to get to bed.

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meant to update earlier, enjoy tho!