The Son and the Sparrow

Chapter Seventeen(v3)

Chapter Seventeen

Leon drove down the street while looking at Daniel from the rearview mirror, then turned a corner, and stopped the car. He hoped Daniel and Philip could get through their situation and they would be alright. Leon was sure that they could work through it-Philip and Daniel loved each other dearly. He also wondered what was on Daniel's phone. Leon didn't understand the significance of Daniel's panic, but he had been too eager to hide it.

Leon put his questions out of his mind, as he had more pressing matters to attend to at the moment. He didn't know where to go. He knew, more than anything, he didn't want to go back to that depressing apartment. He wanted to see Haley, he wanted to hold her in his arms. But was he ready?

If spending time trapped in Dante's barn had made him realize one thing, it was that he wanted to live. And what he had been doing for the last two months was not living. It was simply existing. Even this hunt, this chase, seemed pointless. It had almost been the death of him. And then what would have happened to Haley? He wanted to pretend as though she would fight through both Leon's and Clay's death, but he knew better. He knew no-one who could live through that much pain. He also knew that if he continued down the road he was heading, he probably wouldn't live, even if someone did kill Clay. There was still a chance that the accident had, in fact, been a random person. Leon didn't quite believe such a simple explanation, but it was still a possibility to look at. In that case all of this would have been for nothing, and if he continued he would be continually risking his life, and therefore Haley's, for no reason.

Even if Clay was murdered, was all this really worth it? Chances were good that if anyone killed Clay, it was Cale. And Cale was dangerous. Very dangerous, and insane as well. He was not to be underestimated. In addition, if Leon was going to set his sights on Cale, he'd have Philip to contend with. He already learned how far Philip would go to protect his brother, and if Philip was against him, Daniel would be too. With those three aware that he was after Cale, trying to kill him sounded more like a suicide mission destined to fail.

So maybe 'living', meant something different. Maybe it didn't mean rushing out to fix your life. Maybe it meant learning to live with it the way it was. Maybe Haley's tactic was the best one. Leon sighed. Would Haley even take him back? She still loved him, that much was obvious, but his actions weren't really the most noble. He had still hurt her and had gone back on his word, though never directly. He had never joined the flock again, just as he promised. But Haley wouldn't be pleased to know that he had intended to kill someone, kidnapped Daniel, and then shot Dante. Twice. Leon threw his head back, smashing it against the soft back of the chair. What the hell was he supposed to do? It was one thing to lie to her about his role in the flock, because he had been sure that life was behind him and would never come back again. But it had. Would Dante's gang come back for revenge? What then? It seemed so wrong to lie to Haley again, especially when this could easily come back to bite him in the ass. Yet what else was he supposed to do? If he told her about this, he'd have to tell her about everything. She was a forgiving, loving person, but who the hell was stupid enough to stay with a gang leader, and a murderer who had been hunting people behind her back? It was laughable to think she'd be alright with such atrocities.

Leon lowered his head. All of this was so much to bear.

"Why Clay?" he asked. "Why did you come to me just to screw up my life! You made everything from my old life come back to me!"

Of course, there was no bright light, no Clay, no voice, nothing at all except his lonely thoughts.

"What should I do?" I whispered, but this time he was asking himself instead of a ghost.